I always look forward to the end of the year, as in man, am I glad that’s over. On the other hand, I don’t look forward to the coming year nor do I believe it’ll be any better — unfortunate, but that’s been my experience in the recent past, though 2009 was definitely better than 2008. I’m hoping the trend will continue.

The reason I have a hard time looking forward to the new year is because for me, it’s fraught with medical appointments: the annual physical and pap smear, which most people go through; eye check-up, again, which a lot of people go through; twice a year dental cleanings, which many people have and that I just started having and as cool as my dentist is, am still dreading; and now that I’ll be 41, another mammogram, which most women have (hopefully) but it’s yet another thing. Then there’s my annual ultrasound to check the size of my uterine fibroid and please, please, please, not another colonoscopy! You’re not even supposed to have one until you’re 50 and I’ve had 2 before I turned 40! I can’t remember if in 2008 the CRS said I wouldn’t need another for 10 years or until 2010.

Either way, I want a CRS closer to home, and since I’ve been having some IBS issues lately, I still have no choice but to see one. Or is it a GI doctor that I need to see? Again, either way, I have to find one or both.

I’ve had problems with my ears since childhood. You know how they test your hearing in grade school? Well, I never quite passed. I was plagued with ear infections and had 3½ pairs of tubes at different times. The ½ pair was a larger tube and was only necessary in one ear. Now that I’m getting older, I swear, my hearing’s starting to go. Brian never seems to have trouble hearing the TV but I do, and this has been going on for a few years now. I clean my ears daily, so it isn’t that. It’s probably time to see my ENT who I’ve known and loved since I became his patient when I was 22, though I first started seeing one at age 13. Funny: the first one TALKED LIKE THIS and my current ENT is soft spoken.

Then there’s this minor eczema-type thing that’s been bothering me and that I’ve already seen the doctor for, but it. Won’t. Go. Away. And I’ve either developed tendonitis in the ankle I sprained badly last spring, or it hasn’t fully healed. Do I see a dermatologist and an orthopedist in my future? I hope not.

I must sound like a complete hypochondriac but the sad thing is, all of this stuff is real and some of it I’ve been blowing off because I’m sick of doctors, so I plod along with these symptoms that make me miserable.

I’ll be continuing my weekly therapy and monthly pdoc appointments, but those have been integrated into my day-to-day life so in my view, skewed though it may be, they “don’t count.”

The one good thing about all this is that we have excellent insurance benefits. Even so, I’d rather not have to use them.

Ironic, huh? I guess that’s manic thinking for you. Part of me doesn’t even know how to slow down. Now, I’m forced to because for the past few days, simply getting out of bed has become a chore. For me, that’s a red flag that another depressive episode is coming on.

But is it? I was sick to my stomach all day Sunday and had to run to the bathroom a few times in the middle of the night on Sunday/early Monday. Obviously, I’m sick.

I’m also scared. What if this is leading up to something else — to depression? And the more I worry, the more my anxiety increases and the more likely I am to fall into a depressive episode.

Well, I’ve canceled my pedicure appointment this week to make absolutely sure that I make it to my therapy appointment tomorrow. I guess I’m learning to slow down. Slowly.

Who knew antixoidants and/or Omega-3s could be bad for you? Well, they are for me. I found this out last February when I started taking flaxseed oil capsules to keep my eyes from drying out so much (the optometrist suggested it). These contain 700 mg. of Omega-3 and I found out the hard way that this is not good for me.

So I tried Omega-3 fish oil capsules. Same result. 684 mg. Duh. I should’ve looked at the label. So now I have huge dark brown bottles of both sitting on the kitchen counter because they won’t fit in the medicine cabinet and because I’m too lazy to throw them out, flush them down the toilet, whatever.

Oh, what was the result? Severe, I mean SEVERE stomach pain, nausea, and vomiting. And why not throw in diarrhea, too? When I looked up flaxseed oil on WebMD, this was the description for an overdose, except of course I can’t find that description now. But when I called my doctor’s office to describe my symptoms and told the nurse what I’d been taking, she was not at all surprised and simply said, “Uh huh.”

Obviously, I stopped taking the capsules. Then Brian found these antioxidant/Omega-3 granola bars at Trader Joe’s. These couldn’t possibly hurt, we figured. Each bar had under 150 mg. of Omega-3. I ate one bar two days in a row and the same thing happened. And this time, because it had “antioxidant” in the description, I’ve been paranoid about eating anything containing those, particularly blueberries, but with the exception of dark chocolate and foods that I have no idea even contain antioxidants.

Since then, I’ve had the occasional fried, battered cod and I’ve been fine. And I don’t even like fish, but I know it’s good for you even if it is deep fried. But this past Sunday, we took my mom out for fondue on Mother’s Day. Shortly after we got home, I was so sick, I couldn’t keep anything down until like, yesterday, the day before. OMG. I was utterly miserable and had the same symptoms in addition to a sore, achy neck and shoulder on my left side, and a sinus headache just mild enough to be annoying because it wouldn’t go away.

I’m totally convinced that it was from the chocolate fondue — dark chocolate fondue. And I read on Wikipedia that the purer the amount of cocoa, the more antioxidants it contains. Well, this wasn’t just some chain fondue place, so I imagine they use the purest ingredients. Never mind that the one other time I ate there nothing like this happened, but that was long before all this other stuff took place.

There’s a cookie sheet full of chocolate chip cookies on top of the stove that I hadn’t touched all week. OK, I had one earlier and now I’m seriously afraid I’m going to pay for it. These aren’t your ordinary chocolate chip cookies — they contain slabs of dark chocolate.

Oh, and the whole reason I started taking the Omega-3 in the first place was so my eyes wouldn’t be so dry, which is a result of all the meds that I’m on!

Brian stayed home sick a couple of days last week because he had this horrible cold that he thought might have been allergies. Now I have it, so it must have been a cold, though it did start out like it was allergies. I couldn’t stop sneezing and my nose was really itchy, but now I’ve got this really dry cough and my chest feels tight. Pain in the ass.

On top of that, I broke the middle toe on my left foot! Can you fucking believe that? I have NO idea how it happened. All I remember was when I took my shoe off one day last week I felt this excruciating pain in my toe while it was bent. When I kept it straight I could barely feel the pain, just this slight throbbing but enough that it would bother you.

The only reason I suspected it was broken is because a couple of years ago I broke my right baby toe in martial arts. I didn’t even know I broke it ’til 2 weeks had passed and that slight throbbing was still there so I decided to see a doctor. Anyway, I made an appointment immediately this time, and sure enough, it’s broken.

All they can do is tape the toe to its next-door neighbor for like, 2 weeks. No open-toed shoes, though and I’m supposed to wear socks. Fortunately, the weather here has finally broken so I can deal with having to wear socks and shoes instead of sandals and flip-flops.

GIRLY-GIRL MOMENT: I will say this — I had a pedicure (manicure, facial, and haircut) on my birthday at a salon rather than the regular, old nail place at the end of our block. OK. It has now been 19, count ’em, 19 days since that pedicure, and the polish has yet to chip!!! OMG!!!!! Granted, I had the super-duper spa pedicure, but that has nothing to do with painting the nails. And a regular pedicure at the salon costs exactly the same as it does at the other place! Not that it matters now, since I have to wear shoes and socks anyway, but still…heehee.