• It seems that the kitty stomach flu has spread to Angelo because he didn’t eat his breakfast. However, he did eat his second meal today, including the dregs of Hopper and Basil’s leftovers. Hee Seop didn’t eat the special “bad tummy” food, but ate half of his regular food. Hopper seems fine and no one has vomited (that I’ve found).
• I’m feeling a little less exhausted today. I dragged my upstairs neighbor to Starbucks before returning home for my therapist session, so at least I got out of the apartment. Maybe the extra .5mg of Klonopin is easing my anxiety, after all. It’s still too early to tell, though.
• My therapist agreed to a phone session this morning because I was all up in arms about the cats. Anyway, she advised me to let go of the incident yesterday morning, when the desk clerk at the new gym gave me all kinds of bullshit when I canceled my fitness test. I was ready to cancel my membership, but I actually had the insight to ask myself (and my therapist) today: what is rash and what is rational? So I’m letting it go. My therapist said that if it happens again, however, that’s a different story.

  I’m not going to totally go into it but let’s just say that the desk clerk gave me very poor customer service, and I was already upset because of the sick cats and from being absolutely exhausted. If I’m unable to reschedule the fitness test due to their cancellation policy (that the desk clerk was unclear about), then whatever. It’s a free service anyway. But OK, part of me still wants that girl fired.

• I’m looking forward to having a quiet Thanksgiving with Brian, which is our little tradition. He cooks, we eat, we watch football. And probably I’ll play Mafia Wars and lurk on Twitter. And hopefully catch up on blog reading and poem writing.

Wow. What an utterly boring post this is!

My first bullet post!

THE CATS

• We’re still waiting for Hee Seop’s lab results, but his appetite has improved. It isn’t normal, but he’s been eating. Apparently, he has something like the stomach flu. The vet sent us home with i/d, which is easily digestible. When he wasn’t interested in that last night, we gave him some of his usual food but he didn’t care for that either. This morning he ate all of his i/d. Instead of 2 meals a day we’re spreading them out to 4 — same amount as usual, though: a 6-oz. can a day. His stool is still loose but better.
• Unfortunately, Basil had loose stool today and his appetite was down this morning. When Hee Seop showed no interest in his second helping of i/d today (nor in his regular food), Basil ate the i/d. He vomited a little bit late in the afternoon, but that’s not unusual for him. Hopper also vomited a bit, but that isn’t unusual for her, either.
• When we returned home just now someone had diarrhea and didn’t bother to bury it. My first thought was that it belonged to Hopper or Angelo because they have this alpha thing going between them and neither one buries his/her poop. Well, the vet will hear all about it when she calls this evening.

ME

• Meanwhile, I’ve been utterly exhausted all day. I didn’t sleep well. Again. I wonder, too, how much of it has to do with recuperating from vacation. Why is it that Brian, my sister, my brother-in-law — all can go out of town for a weekend and return to work just fine? I really hope that I’m not coming down with anything because I absolutely can’t stand being sick. I’m a baby as it is, but I’m worse when I’m sick.
• Needless to say, I didn’t make it to my fitness test, but I at least made it to my pdoc appointment a little while ago. He thinks that my anxiety is what’s affecting the depression, rather than the other way around, or that the anxiety is a symptom of the depression, during the past few weeks, anyway. So he’s increased my Klonopin from 2mg a night by adding .5mg in the morning. We’ll see how that goes. I’m going to lie down now.

What does that even mean for me? I don’t work and my days consist mainly of being on the computer sending and answering e-mail; Twittering; reading blogs; blogging sometimes (NaBloPoMo doesn’t count); posting silly (and a few not so silly) things on my Tumblr blog, The Insane and Mundane (shameless plug); playing Mafia Wars on FB. When I’m not on the computer I’m reading or watching TV. Once a week I go to therapy. Every 3 or 4 weeks I see my pdoc and there are various other appointments in between.

When I started working out again, I’ve had to rearrange my schedule and that still isn’t ironed out. I’m one of those people who needs routine. I need to know what to do next or at least have an idea or I’m completely lost. Do you have any idea how hard this is when most of what you do is stay home all day?

When we returned from vacation, I dreaded today. It meant that I should have gone back to the gym. All weekend I worried about whether or not I would, though I tried really hard not to. I wish I could just take things in stride. I told myself that I wouldn’t beat myself up if I didn’t make it to the gym today, that I’m still exhausted from our trip and that it’s OK to take a day to relax. Besides, I have a fitness test tomorrow so I’ll be at the gym, then.

But in the middle of the night, Hee Seop threw up, then immediately headed for the litter box and had a bout of diarrhea. This is very unlike him. He rarely throws up, not even hairballs. We were worried, of course, but I’m glad I was able to fall back asleep. Then he didn’t eat his breakfast, which is also not like him. He inhales his food. Something was definitely wrong, so I called the vet and luckily they had openings this morning. It was also an “excuse” not to go to the gym.

He’s still being held for observation and treatment (fluids for dehydration and some anti-nausea meds), though his abdominal x-rays were clear. His labs won’t be back until tomorrow. The vet said that he was the third cat she’d seen today presenting with those symptoms, and that one of the other vets saw 2 others. It could be that something’s going around in the kitty world, which the vet says can happen, but she said it definitely isn’t swine flu, so that’s good. OK, she called it H1N1, but come on, it’s swine flu.

In the meantime, I’m still waiting to hear back from them and trying not to be too anxious. I’m sure he’s fine. He rarely has to go to the v-e-t except for his annual check-up.

In the meantime, I’m worried about whether or not I’ll make it to my fitness test tomorrow.

In the meantime, I still don’t know why I’m so exhausted even though I’m getting plenty of sleep.

In the meantime, I’m worried about how I’m going to fit working out into my daily schedule.

Good thing I see the pdoc tomorrow and my therapist on Wednesday.

The November PAD Chapbook Challenge and NaBloPoMo, that is. Well, sort of but not exactly.

I’ve surprised myself by blogging every single day so far this month and I’d like to keep it up for as long as I can after November. I’m doing my best to complete NaBloPoMo, but it just may not happen since I already have a lot going on this month. For example, Brian and I will be out of town for a week to visit his folks and some friends in Iowa. My therapist told me today that if a few of my blog posts have to be just a sentence long like a Tweet, so be it. Until our next appointment in 2 weeks I’m to concentrate on enjoying myself, the trip — which she reminded me isn’t a working trip — and reconnecting with people we haven’t seen for some time. I shouldn’t obsess about finding places where I can work out; I should take walks with Brian instead.

As for the poetry, I’m definitely behind but for some reason I feel much less pressure keeping up with each day’s writing prompt. I will be happy with having written 30 poems by the end of the month. Sometimes it’s harder for me to write when I’m given a guideline or topic on what to write about, and sometimes it’s easier. My writing process differs when it comes to poetry and blog posts/prose. I can’t define that process exactly, but with poetry I have to let ideas simmer for a while. I guess it’s like that with blogging, but I don’t feel the need to refine my craft when I blog so although I can choose my topics, there’s less pressure as to how I present them.

Although I realize that I won’t be a loser or failure if I complete neither of these ventures, my mind will perceive that irrationally because I still haven’t learned to break down the high expectations I have of myself as well as the perfectionism in everything I do. I get really obsessive about things and I don’t yet have the tools I need to fully absorb what’s rational and discard what’s irrational. But that’s what therapy’s for.

Back when blogs began bursting everywhere, around 2003 or 2004, and especially because of a certain blog surfing site everyone used to visit and “battle” with other blogs and pimp other blogs on their own blog (yeah, you “old-timers” know what I’m talking about), there was something kind of popular that some people posted on their blogs. It was a little emoticon displaying their current mood from creative to exhausted or whatnot found on imood.

This was a good tool for me because there’s a little area where you could write a bit about your current mood state and have it be e-mailed to a supportive friend or family member — Brian, in my case. Oh, and this was long before Twitter existed, which is how he now knows what’s going on with my day. Anyway, the imood craze ended and I never bothered keeping track of my moods anymore even if it’s important. I figured what was the use, since I was depressed most of the time anyway.

But recently, Michelle wrote a post about her discovery of MoodTracker.com, a Web site on which people can track their moods, hence the name “Mood Tracker.” I like it better than imood because it isn’t just a one-word description of your mood, but specifically designed for people with mood disorders. The moods range from severely depressed to severely elated.

I’ve been using it for a few days and think it’s great because it also tracks your anxiety and irritability levels as you can see on my Mood Chart below, and it also asks whether or not you have your period that day. It also keeps track of sleep hours, provided you can remember. This should be a really good tool, especially now that I’m taking charge of managing my bipolarness instead of letting it manage me.

Click to enlarge.