These were my biggest problems this morning:

• The cleaning lady arrived like, 5 MINUTES after I woke up, around 10:30. I had just finished brushing my teeth.
• My second cup of coffee tasted like crapola and it was the last of the 4-cup pot that Brian prepares for me before he leaves for work each day so all I have to do is press the button. As a result, I didn’t get to have my usual second cup of coffee.
• I didn’t have much time between when I woke up and when I had to leave for therapy, so I was unable to check Twitter on the computer and had to do it on my phone.
• Because the cleaning lady arrived earlier than usual, I was still home while she began mopping, which meant I had to move from room to room while Twittering, to avoid the mop.

To someone who doesn’t know me well, I could see how I might come off as a completely spoiled brat — someone who can afford to even have a cleaning lady, let alone one who makes my life a living hell because she’s in my way. In fact, I’m so spoiled and pampered that I don’t even have to make my own coffee every morning because my husband takes care of it. All I have to do is press the button. And…oh. Mah. Gawd. I didn’t get to check Twitter. End of the world.

Yes, I’m spoiled to a certain extent — Brian and I aren’t, by any means, wealthy, but for the most part I can have what I want. I don’t work. I don’t have kids to take care of. I hate cleaning, so I don’t. I can pretty much do whatever I want, like go shopping or to the salon or have lunch with friends. On the outside, my life looks pretty good. Hell — maybe even great.

My little tantrum this morning, expressed via Twitter, made me realize that my life only sucks in my head. One perspective, as I said, is that I’m a spoiled little bitch. But the other and also very real perspective is this:
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Many of you already know that Brian and I took an extra long weekend for a vacation in Columbus, OH. No, Columbus isn’t New York or San Francisco, but it’s where we met and fell in love 10 years ago. We’re also huge Buckeyes fans and had tickets to the opening game, which happened to fall on Brian’s birthday. I got to meet a fellow Buckeye fan and blog friend, Heather, for the first time, and we had a blast. Pictures and more vacation highlights to follow in an upcoming post.

Brian and I haven’t taken a vacation, not counting visiting family, since the last time we went to a game. That was September 4, 2004 — 5 years ago — when we watched Ohio State beat Cincinnati. We may have gone to 1 or 2 other games since I graduated in 2002, but we’ve never been anywhere else because we didn’t have a honeymoon.

Money isn’t necessarily the reason we haven’t done more traveling. My depression is. This recent trip has been planned since June or July and when we made the decision, I was worried that we’d have to cancel at the last minute because I would feel too depressed to go anywhere. Not knowing how you feel from day to day is frustrating. However, I resolved that I would go no matter what. I showed up to celebrate Mother’s Day for my mom here in Chicago, even though I hadn’t once showered the previous 2 weeks. I don’t think she cared about that; I think she was just happy I was there. And that’s what counts — that I showed up. Since then I’ve been doing pretty good about keeping my commitments, but I’ve stumbled a few times.

Still, going out of town is more complicated. Not only is there the depression to contend with, but there’s the IBS. Medication helps me to be regular, but sometimes I have accidents. This is embarrassing, discouraging, and anxiety-inducing. Not only that, anxiety can induce the lack of control. For me, it increases my depression and self-loathing. It’s reached the point where I’m sometimes afraid to leave the apartment. Most days I won’t go anywhere until after I’ve had a BM because I don’t like going in public places. Also, I absolutely hate having to depend on Depends when I’m neither potty training nor super-elderly. I’ve accepted that diapers are sometimes a necessary thing, but I don’t like it.

This trip was not without some accidents. I tried really hard not to let it discourage me, but each day was jam-packed with activity, all of which was stressful — not bad stress, but stress just the same. The night before we left was the worst, and because we didn’t pack enough diapers (sounds silly since we don’t have kids), Brian had to find a pharmacy that was open 24 hours and drive there at 3 in the morning. Columbus doesn’t have a Walgreens on just about every corner like Chicago does. I was practically in tears from the pain and the worry about the trip home, but it turned out fine. Still, having to deal with this is tough.

But we had a great time, which is the important thing. I got out of bed every day and did stuff and had lots of fun. I’m proud of myself for going to the game and for keeping our dinner date with Heather and her husband, despite my last-minute anxiety. I wish we could have stayed a little longer, but I’m glad that I got through it all, the good and the bad, and that we’re home.

A friend of mine sent me this link: The Chai Story. It looks like the first entry of a new blog, but no matter. If the Four Paws, Inc.’s pimple ball with bell is among your dog’s toys, get rid of it — NOW! I know this sounds like one of those rumor-type things people send blanket e-mails about, but please — read the entry. I couldn’t even watch the videos; the pictures were bad enough.

It shouldn’t be this hard. We took our info to a well-known tax filer last Tuesday and they still haven’t finished with them! It’s because of the lump sum of a year’s back pay I got when I was approved for disability last year, for which I have to pay taxes because, says the SSA, our combined income is above a certain amount. These guys decided today that this only counts for senior citizens but that’s wrong. My social security payments are for disability not good ol’ social security. Hel-LO!!!