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Forms, Applications, and So On

I finally managed to make myself call my past employers to track down my employment history for the past 15–that’s right–15 years in order to complete the SSDI form. This isn’t easy when the longest job you’ve ever had was for three years, but also because, when I was last able to work, I was an adjunct professor, which meant that I had to teach at whatever school had openings available.

Met with my CM yesterday, but he said he didn’t want to call the SSA office for an appointment yet because it was the end/first of the month and they’d be too busy. Anyway, he said he’ll be meeting with one of the workers next week or so and will try to sneak in an appointment for me.

See more progress on: apply for disability

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He also helped me fill out the forms for public aid–you know, food stamps, emergency cash, and most importantly, Medicaid, since yesterday was the last day Brian and I had insurance. Fortunately, we didn’t have to fill out a separate form for him. The CM was nice enough to fax it over to the local public aid office, too. I have to admit that it was humiliating, but I guess you have to do what you have to do.

We have one or two months to decide whether or not we want to be on COBRA, but there’s no way we can afford that. Brian’s sister has generously offered to help pay for it, however. Also, because we both have a mental illness, we can’t let our insurance lapse for, I think it’s three months max, or they’ll be considered pre-existing conditions. Life just keeps getting better and better.

Went to the unemployment office on Wednesday. Brian had to fill out a form and only pencils were provided. Then, on the last page, it said something like, in order to avoid fraud, make sure you fill out the form in pen. :s Luckily, it wasn’t crowded so he was processed right away and had to watch a video. He has an appointment in three weeks, and that’s when they’ll tell him whether or not he qualifies. We’re hoping that he’ll have a job by then.

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I know it wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but I ended up canceling my GE appointment yesterday. I’ve still had a few minor accidents, but at least there hasn’t been any blood. But dude, I just felt so defeated and I really didn’t feel like having anyone stick their fingers up my ass.

Besides, I had hockey practice later that night, and I didn’t feel like going to that, either. Anyway, most nights I have practice, I try to keep the rest of my day free so I can relax, rest up, and be ready. I did go to practice, and I’m glad because even though I had my doubts, I ended up having a lot of fun. We didn’t have practice or games last week so we have two games this weekend: one tonight and one tomorrow. I should go pack my bag because we have to leave in half an hour.

I’m trying to keep my chin up. I really am.

130 lbs., Baby! Rozerem, FOAD Thursday

I was incredibly surprised to find that I’m at 130 lbs. when I weighed myself at the gym today. I didn’t work out yesterday, but the other day I was at like, 131.2 or something like that. I hadn’t had a BM in two days despite all the Metamucil–until yesterday. It’s amazing how much of a difference taking a shit can make, isn’t it? :d

See more progress on: Lose 20 pounds

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Perhaps the Rozerem could have been why I’ve felt so shitty the past couple of days. According to Robert Meyer, M.D., who was interviewed for this article, “‘We saw in the clinical trials that Rozerem could increase depression in people who are depressed’”. So I stopped taking it last night and will take the Lunesta samples I have instead. The pdoc didn’t call back yesterday, so we’ll call him again tomorrow.

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I was going to write a FOAD post, but since everyone’s probably too stuffed on turkey to go blog surfing anyway, I’ll save it for next week. (*)

Overdoing It? Just a Little?

I go to the gym seven days a week. On six of those days I do a 20-minute cardio work-out and alternate days of lifting for arms and legs. On the seventh day, I do 30 minutes of cardio.

Three days a week I play hockey: one pick-up game, a practice, and a regular game. Since hockey has started (mid-September), I’ve found it difficult to keep up with my gym routine. These past couple of weeks, I’ve been tired both mentally and physically, and not a little sore, mainly after hockey practice.

I’ve heard of people working out too much, but it isn’t like I’m bench pressing 200 lbs. or anything like that. Still, I wonder if I should cut down on going to the gym, at least during hockey season. I’m 37, after all, not 27.

See more progress on: Lose 20 pounds

The Hospitalization List

The SSA wants a list of all of the hospitalizations related to the disability. Yeah, like I could keep up with all of that.

I have the approximate dates of both my inpatient and outpatient hospitalizations from the past three years, but my CM had an even better solution. He had some paperwork that he simply addressed to the records departments of the various hospitals to which I’ve been admitted requesting the dates, and all I had to do was sign each sheet. Very nice.

Now I have to try to figure out all of the jobs I’ve held in the past 15 years. That, I think, will prove to be a lot tougher, especially since I had all kinds of different jobs at DePaul while I was still there for undergrad. But at least this process is finally happening!

See more progress on: apply for disability

Making Progress!

I’ve decided that the graphs I’ve been including in these entries don’t really give as much information as the Weight Change Stats below (from FitDay). This information is based on my daily weight that I’ve been recording for the past two weeks (when I first started this goal I weighed maybe 141 lbs.? Then I went up to like, 145 lbs. So here it is:

Weight Change Stats
Minimum Weight: 130.6 lbs.
Maximum Weight: 134.6 lbs.

Beginning Weight: 133.8 lbs.
Ending Weight: 130.8 lbs.

Average Weight: 132.54 lbs.
Average Weekly Change: -1.5 lbs.

Everyone’s weight fluctuates daily, depending on whether or not you’ve had a BM, and if you’re a woman, if you’re retaining water. Still, it looks like I’m finally below the 135 lb. mark, and for that I’m ecstastic! Though I’m gaining muscle mass, I’m burning fat!!!!

Obviously, working out has been paying off. I haven’t changed my diet all that much, though I try not to overeat. Also, I’m trying really hard to avoid the foods that the gastroenterologist listed. I can’t remember everything on there, but it was basically all kinds of food that I like. He didn’t say that I could never eat any of these things–just avoid them. Everything in moderation, right?

I have no doubt that playing hockey two to three times a week has also contributed to my weight loss and/or my cardio fitness. jane recently asked how I move around in all that gear. I once weighed myself while wearing all of my goalie equipment and it’s an extra 35 lbs.! Surely, that has to be improving my fitness level.

I’m still not satisfied with my upper body strength and definition. My arm strength seems to be taking a lot longer to increase compared to my legs, but duh–I use my legs a lot more in hockey.

I’ll tell you what, though. That Medieval Torture Device I mentioned a while back? This thing really works! Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it, but it works way better than crunches. While doing my old mat pilates routine a few days ago, there’s a section where you have a body band around the soles of your feet while you sit with your knees bent. You lower your body ’til you’re prone, then lift yourself back up. I used to have to lift my feet in order to raise myself to a sitting position, but now I can keep my heels firmly on the ground!

Played rat hockey with the guys today. I’ve varied my workout routine so I’ll be able to get there on time. I do a 20-minute cardio workout every day and lift six days (alternating arms and legs), and then a 30-minute cardio on the seventh day. Instead of doing that on Fridays, I’m now doing them on Tuesdays because it means that I can get out of the gym faster and to the rink quicker. I was still late today, and there were already two goalies like the last time I played two weeks ago. The more seasoned goalie left early again this time, so i got about 20 - 30 minutes playing time.

I only had about six SOGs, at least that I remember. I let three in and saved the other three. One went right over my head and I would have had to jump to block it because I was crouched down. Still, today I remembered the great saves I made, especially because my teammates complimented me. I guess it’s different hearing it from really seasoned players, you know? However, I don’t mean that to devalue my own teammates’ compliments.

In fact, this guy Mike, the one who was ambivalent and leery about me playing with them the first time I came out told me afterwards that I’m really improving, that they can tell. I formally introduced myself to three other guys I saw afterwards in the parking lot and they said the same thing. And they keep inviting me to play with them, which to me, is the biggest compliment and really, really encouraging.

image copyright Life Fitness

See more progress on: Lose 20 pounds

Learn DBT: I’m Not Actually Giving This Up

I’m just taking it off of my 43 Things because this particular goal isn’t measurable, which is something that I learned in the Goals Setting group I sometimes go to at the SSvcA–that a goal should be measurable.

Once my mental health benefits kick in again in January I’ll start looking for a DBT program. I did come across this site called DBT Self Help, so I’ll look into that in the meantime.

See more progress on: Learn DBT

So the Ball is Finally Rolling

Now that I have a case manager (CM) at the SSvcA, he is helping me apply for SSDI. I know that I should have began this process three years ago when I first became disabled because we are in dire financial straits right now, and it’s not like I can go out and get a job.

Currently, I’m compiling the items and documents that I will need that are on this checklist my CM gave me. When I meet with him next week, I promised to have written down all of the doctors, therapists, hospitals, etc. that I’ve seen/been in.

See more progress on: apply for disability

Treadmill Virgin

It’s been a just over a month since I last posted my weight chart (click to enlarge), and part of the reason is because I couldn’t get myself to go to the gym for like, a couple weeks, which is where I weigh myself, so for part of the time it looks like my weight hadn’t changed at all.

My lowest so far is 134 lbs., but that was taken on the PCP’s office scale with my clothes on, so to me it doesn’t really count. My lowest and current weight is 134.4, and I haven’t even had a BM today! Haha. Also, I started taking the Pill about three weeks ago, so I’m sure that has something to do with the normal fluctuations.

Speaking of BMs (sorry), yeah, the Metamucil helps. It’s not too bad when you get used to it. I drink one to two bottles of Metamucil water a day.

Anyway, for the first time today I tried the treadmill at the gym instead of the elliptical, which is what Brian and I usually use for cardio. I don’t like treadmills because the few times I’ve been on one, I was convinced that I’d fall flat on my face. I still feel this way, but apparently treadmills have improved over the years, so it wasn’t too bad.

The whole reason we tried this is because of my knees–like, the joints, really–have been bothering me for the past couple of days. Years ago, when I used to jog/run (not often), I’d do it anyway even though it hurt my knees and shins. Surprisingly, the treadmill was easier on my knees than the elliptical, so we’ll probably use those from now on. So now I just have to recalculate my pace for a 20-minute workout because the treadmill measures all of that differently. Right now it seems that I can go at 4.5 mph for at least ten minutes before stepping up my pace.

Back to the knee thing. I’m concerned, obviously, because I don’t want it to affect hockey. On the other hand, I played a pick-up game on Tuesday and went to practice both Thursday and last night. My team only practices once a week, but I was invited to the Blue team practice. (On Thursday night practices, two squads normally share the ice, but the White team had a game that night.) So perhaps I’m doing too much, at least this week.

Well, gotta go. I have a game in just over an hour.

See more progress on: Lose 20 pounds

Cardio Workout

even though we got home really late from practice last night (Brian always comes to cheer me on), we managed to get up this morning to do just a cardio workout. i wasn’t sure i’d make it the entire 30 minutes, but i did.

had a great practice last night. the coach complimented me on how well i did stopping the puck during the end-of-the night scrimmage, which ended up in 0 - 0! i hope our game tomorrow night goes a lot better than the one last Sunday!

See more progress on: Lose 20 pounds