Although, living in Chicago, the road is full of potholes, rather than bumps. Things are looking up, although my therapist has emphasized the need to be careful and progress at a reasonable pace. Regular readers know that I have a pattern of taking on more than I can handle once I start feeling a tad bit better. Now I’m feeling a lot better so as you can imagine I want to do this, and do that, and do everything!

Saturday started off well. I finally showered and washed my hair, which, after nearly a month, felt really, really good! Especially washing my hair, which was beginning to smell stale. Yeah. Brian suggested going out to someplace other than a doctor’s or therapist’s appointment, so we went to see Shutter Island.

Though I haven’t strictly observed the Lenten fast of having 2 smaller meals and only one full meal except on Sundays, I did give up chocolate. Unfortunately, when we arrived at the theater I completely forgot and ate Junior Mints and peanut M&Ms. On the other hand, abstinence is not observed on Sundays (Feast Days or, as I call them, “cheat” days) and I figured that since I hadn’t used any of my cheat days, I’d be forgiven.

Because I read Shutter Island over a year ago, I knew what to expect from the psychological thriller. Brian had also read it, but we really enjoyed the movie. However, I forgot the very ending and without giving anything away, let’s just say that it was intensely personal. So much so that it triggered a panic attack. I was immobilized, I felt dizzy, nauseous, and started hyperventilating. I became very paranoid with regard to the movie’s ending. Thankfully, this happened at the end, so I wasn’t embarrassed that people could see; they were already leaving. I felt sick all the way home.

In a way, I’m glad this happened. It was a sign that I’m not completely better and that I do have to take it easy. I’ve only been feeling fairly well for about a week and the past few days have been stressful, with Brian out of town. I’m glad to say that I’ve managed on my own, taking care of myself and the cats. And believe me, their diets and meds are pretty complicated and would confuse anyone. I’ve relearned how to make coffee and how to run the dishwasher. I’ve at least left the apartment proper to get the mail. All in all, things are pretty good. I have had the urge to do this and that and everything, and curbing my impulses hasn’t been easy.

by Joe Schreiber

Whenever a new SW book comes out, of course I’m going to buy it and read it, but when it’s written by a first-time SW author, I’m always hesitant. Death Troopers is Joe Schreiber’s first. It starts out great with a nice pace then quickly deteriorates into a story that contains stereotypical horror genre monsters. I really liked the characters and the beginning held so much promise, but then Schreiber introduces well-established SW characters, so it ruins the story’s ending long before it ends. This sci-fi/horror (stereotypical horror, remember) cross genre is incredibly LAME. Big disappointment.

…did I ever expect to see Hopper (bottom) and Angelo (top) not only lying next to each other, but touching! These 2 never liked each other. The problem is that they’re both alpha cats. After Angelo lived with us a few weeks and we let him explore outside the bedroom, Hopper stopped burying her poop. So he wouldn’t bury his. Poor Basil was the one who buried everyone’s poop!

To this day, Hopper and Angelo have “showdowns.” We have a long hallway, and one will be at one end, the other will be at the other end, and it looks like there’s gonna be a shootout at the OK Corral. She can’t even stand for him to look at her; she hisses and they try to scratch each other. This is nothing like the playful fighting Angelo and Hee Seop indulge in before every meal. This is serious shit. So for them to be sleeping together like this…. If they start licking each other, we’ll know hell finally froze over!

My last pdoc appointment was 2 weeks ago. Thankfully, he didn’t mention ECT; instead, he put me on Pristiq, which he described as something like a purer form of Effexor though I’m not entirely sure what he meant. Effexor has worked really well for me in the past, so we decided to give this a try. Because I’d been feeling tired a lot, he decreased my nightly dose of Klonopin from 2mg. to 1mg.

Pristiq’s side effects, according to their site, include “dizziness, sweating, constipation, and decreased appetite.” I experienced all but the sweating. I also had others: nausea, extreme fatigue, dehydration, weakness (but that could be from the dehydration); I saw stars; I felt faint. I could barely get out of bed, and one day I didn’t get out of bed at all except to grab something to eat from the fridge and go to the bathroom. I felt awful. The pdoc told me to stick it out. So I did.

Yesterday was the first day I felt better. Today I feel even better. With some experimentation, I discovered that drinking coffee, especially in the afternoon, makes me see stars and feel faint. So no more afternoon lattes.

It’s been over 3 weeks since I’ve showered, which is a record for me. Good think I didn’t experience the sweating side effect. Haha! But I wash a bit in the tub every day and although I wore the same jammies for a week, at least I had clean underwear every day. Now I’m actually using face wipes and putting on my contacts, so that’s something. I’m determined to wash my hair and shower this weekend. (I only ever wash my hair once a week because it’s dry and curly, but I condition it every day.)

It helps that I’ve lost 8 lbs. in the past month, which means that I can actually wear stuff besides yoga pants, sweats, and pajamas because they have elastic waistbands. Of course, I did give up chocolate for Lent, we’ve been eating fewer carbs at night, Brian’s been practicing portion control, and we’re down to getting take-out twice a week at most. My appetite’s improved, but I’m trying to stop eating when I feel full.

Brian has work dinners tonight and tomorrow so I’m on my own. I’ll be scooping poop and feeding the cats and giving them their meds, which became his chores several years ago. Although I’d prefer to have Brian’s company, he’ll be out of town 2 nights next week, so this will be something of a dry run.

I’m doing my best not to be cynical and think the Pristiq will run its course. I’m enjoying each good day that I have. This morning I opened the living room blinds for the first time in almost a year.