Recently I posted this question on my FB status, and boy did I get some answers. They were about even between the yays, nays, and middle-of-the-roads. Some people enjoy receiving them but don’t like writing them. One person likes receiving them but feels they’re somewhat impersonal. And the nays, oh, man — they didn’t all explain the reasons for their answer but they were pretty vehemently NAY.
Me, sure it’s nice to know what happened with family and friends throughout the past year but I also think a form letter, even if it’s on the cutest holiday stationery EVER, is impersonal. Granted, a written note is impractical if you’re sending out a ton of cards. But what I can’t stand about these newsletters, and what most of the nays couldn’t stand either, are the ones from the perfect families leading perfect lives and making sure to let everyone else know about it. And let’s face it — why would the non-perfect families even bother? What would they say:
Brian’s still working at the same job, thankfully, so we can afford Barb’s medical bills. Barb, although showing some improvement, still suffers from bipolar depression and anxiety. The cats are fine, all still alive, even the old ones. Happy Holidays!
Who would want to read a letter like that? It wouldn’t even take up the entire sheet of paper! But for the past few years, that sums up our lives. This is the first year that’s actually been pretty good comparatively. Comparatively.
And seriously, those perfect families probably aren’t perfect — I mean, do perfect families really exist? Probably those letter writers know how to put a spin on their newsletter so their lives look perfect on paper. It’s still really annoying, though, isn’t it?
i dunno… i love to get the letters… last year i received two from friends who decided to keep from everyone that they were going thru cancer and chemo. then, they both came out of the cancer closet thru their newsletters…
i don’t have any friends with “perfect families”… and the holiday newsletters that we receive and send out are much like the ones you wrote above… and we almost always end with a thank you to everyone who has helped and supported us that year… because i think that’s what the holidays are about – the potential and beauty of one person and the effect he/she can have on others…
and every year, we get calls and sometimes a second card that congratulates and thanks us for the funny, honest, heartwarming newsletter….my gut feeling is if you send out something that isn’t genuine, it often is received that way… so i go all out… you get the good, with the bad, with the boring… and yes, it takes up a whole page… sometimes in 10 pt font.
honestly, after reading your FB thread, i almost didn’t write my newsletter this year… it depressed me that much. but, then i got two emails asking if i was sending one out this year, two friends actually looking forward to reading my family blathering… and that’s enough, i’m back to writing the 2009 recap.
I feel bad that the FB thread discouraged you, but I’m glad you’re writing that letter. You have my address, right?
I wouldn’t mind real, honest, genuine letters, but truthfully, I don’t recall receiving letters like the ones you describe above. On the other hand, as someone on FB pointed out, others are looking for sympathy — I wouldn’t want to read those, either and I’m guess I’m afraid that if I wrote one it would come off that way.
But each year I always feel that somehow, our lives are not as good as others’ and sure, that’s my own perception and part of the depression. However, from the FB thread, at least I know I’m not the only one who receives letters from “perfect” families.
We had a relative that wrote about her “perfect” family. Unfortunately, she forgot to include the fact that 2 of her 3 sons were in juvenile hall, that she was a raging bitch, that she never once asked how her husband’s dying aunt was – and yes, she died. Ever thing was just so rosy, it made us all want to puke! Fortunately, my cousin is now divorcing the bitch.
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Jane! I’ve missed you! But yeah, those are what I mean by letters with a spin — because I don’t think perfect families exist. People only show us what they choose to; I guess I’m a lot more open than others.
Why should I “forget” that I have a disability? Yeah, I’m learning not to define myself by it, but it’s a huge part of my life, and I know that not everyone wants to hear about it.
Anyway, at least everyone saw through her letter. I wish your cousin the best.
Oh, it wasn’t his aunt, she was my aunt. It was my cousin’s grandmother.
I wouldn’t compare a disability with being in juvy.
jane´s last blog ..3rd Mixed Media
Oh, I know. My point was is that whatever “ugly” truths they may be, not everyone wants to hear it, you know? Even if that’s the reality of your situation.
Nobody is perfect and the ones who seem perfect are the most fucked up, trust me.
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I totally believe that. They must know it too, which is why they make themselves sound so perfect in their letters.