At least for now. My goal was to complete my 15-minute aerobic/pilates DVD workout 3 times last week but I only did it twice. Though I didn’t meet my goal, surprisingly, I’m happy about my progress. I tried, and that’s good enough. Thinking this way is also progress: I’m not beating myself up about not reaching my goal.

Since mid- to late-August, I’ve been pushing myself, driving myself places such as shopping for Brian’s birthday presents and a series of dentist appointments — even unexpected ones. I started therapy again and have been taking the El to get there, and that includes about 20 minutes of walking, round trip.

I still have a few dentist appointments coming up including a root canal, which I’ve never had done before. I’ve been putting off seeing my family doctor about this skin discoloration on my right shin, which begins at the cortisone injection site from when I sprained my ankle last spring. Now, the site stings and it looks like a rash has developed so I can’t put that appointment off any longer. I also have a flu screening coming up as well as my regular pdoc and therapy appointments. And I’m planning to drive myself or take the El on my own to most of these.

On top of that, there was the road trip to Columbus, my blog was hacked this past weekend, and all of the other small stresses that add up to a ton of stress — not all of it bad — I’ve been getting out more socially. Yesterday, for example, I had a really good day. We went to a belated birthday brunch for Brian, and although my sister and brother-in-law couldn’t make it, we had a really good time with my mom.

Today, however, I’m completely overwhelmed. I made myself get out of bed and do my morning chores. I made myself shower and get dressed. But these basic things have been harder and harder to do since we got back from Columbus. The good thing is that I’ve recognized that I’m pushing myself to do more and more things — pushing myself too hard, which is a cycle I’ve been through in the past and always ends up with me falling flat on my face and unable to get out of bed for days or weeks.

The good thing is that I saw this and am cutting back to only 2 of these health appointments a week. Earlier today I thought I had finally fallen and was back at square one yet again, but I’m just having a bad day. Yes, I was on my way back to the beginning but the fact that I’ve seen this and am not going to continue pushing myself is progress. Working out will just have to wait.

See more progress on: lose 25 lbs.

Once upon a time, as in today, my friend Leslie e-mailed me to let me know my blog was hacked, and I don’t mean just a few files here and there like last time. Though I took a screenshot, I will not post it here for the hacker’s benefit. I’ll just say that it featured a photo of an eagle’s head with the Jordanian flag superimposed on it and accompanied by the worst Sousa-type march ever. Don’t you just love sites that automatically play music?

Brian Googled the hacker’s e-mail address, which s/he arrogantly included on my “new” site. It turns out this person has hacked many, many sites and is a network administrator, of all things.

As many of you know, I immediately posted to both Twitter and Facebook about this and I extend my thanks to all of you who offered help and support. My host was able to restore my blog without having lost any information. However, it isn’t within their parameters to help me secure my files, which I had no idea how to do even with the list of suggestions they gave me. Not long afterwards, I was surprised to receive a Twitter reply from someone asking me about the hack and assuring me that the most current version of WP, which is the one I’ve been using since it was released, is secure. I gave him the full story and the next thing you know, Andrew Norcross came to rescue this damsel in distress.

With his help, which I highly recommend to anyone who needs it (he designs WordPress themes, too), my blog is now free from phantom admin users and other evil things that don’t belong. Andrew had to delete all of the users, so for any of you who were subscribed directly to my blog rather than through an RSS feed reader of some kind, you’ll have to re-subscribe. But I don’t think that’s a problem. Most people use feed readers these days anyway, right? (I do.) I even added a Subscribe widget to make things easier for you all.

Brian wrote 10 posts and those had to be attributed to me as the author, but that’s not a big price to pay. Neither was the cost of Andrew’s work. He also updated my theme so I now have threaded comments. Yay!!!

Though I still have a headache, I’m breathing a lot easier. Thanks again to everyone. I guess all of us WP users should prepare for a new update soon. Make sure you’re using the most current version if you use WP to blog! Earlier versions are even less secure than this one. Thanks again, everybody! Now I’m going to get off the computer and watch Season 3 of ER happily ever after.

…was taken September 10 and then texted to Brian. That’s Hopper in the picture.

I’ve never written about this but I have food issues. I use food as a reward system for myself when I’m making steps towards my recovery. I use other things, too, like shopping, but food is the big one. I tend to choose foods that are bad for me like ice cream, which exacerbates my IBS. But then I can’t stop. I keep eating more and more ice cream (most recently a Good Humor King Cone) each day, sometimes twice a day, knowing the effects it’ll have on me.

Other times I use food (again, something bad for me that exacerbates the IBS) to make myself feel better. Oh, I’m depressed because [insert reason here, i.e., I have bipolar; I have IBS; I’m on disability; I’m PMSing; just because]. I should get to have half a pint of Edy’s Nestlé Drumstick Sundae Cone ice cream because that’ll make me feel better, never mind the consequences. Hmm…I still feel depressed. I’ll just eat the rest of that pint…. Now I feel depressed because I ate ice cream when I know very well that tomorrow I’m going to end up with the runs. But it tastes go good! So I’ll have some more. I know Brian stashed an extra pint in the freezer somewhere.

And yet other times, I use food to reward myself for having not eaten it! Well, I haven’t had ice cream in a whole week, so I should get to have some. I’ll just have a quarter of a pint. But that usually ends up being the whole pint. It’s like this excerpt from Carrie Fisher’s Postcards from the Edge:

That’s it, I’ve quit. This time I’ve really quit. I’m not doing cocaine anymore. If someone came up and offered me cocaine I wouldn’t do it….

My first party without drugs. Interesting…. I wonder if anyone here even has any cocaine. That guy Steve looks like he might, he usually has some. I loathe that guy, but he always has great cocaine….

No, I promised myself I would not do any cocaine, because that last time was such a nightmare and…But it was fun in the beginning….

But this is the new me. I’m totally on a health kick. I have not taken cocaine in four days. I don’t even like it anymore. I never really did like it, I just did it ’cause it was around. And I don’t think I was really heavy into it, not like Steve over there….

“Hi, Steve, how ya doin’? Yeah, yeah. I’m fine…. You seem very up. No, I’m…I’m not doing any right now. I’ve quit…. No, I’m serious…. I’m absolutely committed to this.

“No, I don’t think I had a problem. It’s just that my nose started…I don’t know. I’ll probably end up still doing a little bit every so often, you know. Not right now. Maybe…well, like, maybe…. All right, maybe like a hit, but that’s [...] it, though.”

And of course the guy ends up in rehab after ODing on coke and a bunch of other drugs. He even has a secret stash at home, like I do with my ice cream, candy bars, etc. Ice cream is not even in the same ball park as cocaine, but once upon a time, for me, it was alcohol and cocaine and other drugs instead of ice cream. Once upon a time it was hangovers not the runs. The problem with ice cream is that not only is it legal, it’s food. For me, it almost doesn’t matter what it is. It’s the patterns of thinking that I need to change. *sigh* This is going to be a long road.

See more progress on: lose 25 lbs.

Most of you already know that Brian and I road tripped it to Columbus, OH, over Labor Day weekend. Well, I finally finished uploading the pictures to Flickr for everyone to enjoy and love! You can see them here: Columbus 2009. I’ve written descriptions on some of the pictures for people unfamiliar with Buckeyes and Ohio State tradition — and believe me, there’s a lot of them!

Some highlights of the trip include:

• Meeting a blog friend, Heather, for the first time. We had dinner at Cap City Diner and I was relieved that our husbands hit it off and there were no awkward silences. Heather is just as friendly and funny in real life as she is online. And prettier! She showed me pictures of their son and 4 cats. Yay! Another couple with 4 cats! Heather and I hoped that our husbands would do the O-H-I-O (can’t find a link to this) with us while our server took a picture, but nope. Heather and I did both halves ourselves and she did a great job photoshopping the 2 pictures together.
• Our hotel. It was different from other hotels, with the exposed brick walls and Aveda — yes, Aveda — products. The Lofts used to be a wallpaper factory, I think, and seemed more like the many loft condos here in Chicago. We recommend it!
• The football game, of course! Last week we wished our tickets were for the USC game but now we’re glad they weren’t! We had tickets to the opening game against the Navy Midshipmen. TBDBITL (The Best Damn Band in the Land) did FOUR “Script Ohio’s,” which you really have to see live, before the game started because the Alumni Band performed, too. The latter ranged in age from 21 – 90. Having been a band geek myself, how cool is that? Also, John Glenn “dotted the I,” which is a HUGE honor, on one of the scripts! It was a really good game — a close one — and we pulled off a win.
• The place where Brian and I ate together for the first time. All of our friends have moved away, and many of our old haunts are no longer there, so we were surprised and delighted that Dan’s Drive-In, an old diner we called Dan’s DIVE-in, was still there. Brian and I had been studying with another friend of ours. When he went to drop me off, I was hungry and this was the only place I knew of that was relatively near my apartment and that would be open at 2am. They’ve since renovated the interior so it’s hardly a dive, but they kept the outside the same, which is cool!

We’re looking forward to taking this trip again next year!