Many of you already know that Brian and I took an extra long weekend for a vacation in Columbus, OH. No, Columbus isn’t New York or San Francisco, but it’s where we met and fell in love 10 years ago. 
We’re also huge Buckeyes fans and had tickets to the opening game, which happened to fall on Brian’s birthday. I got to meet a fellow Buckeye fan and blog friend, Heather, for the first time, and we had a blast. Pictures and more vacation highlights to follow in an upcoming post.
Brian and I haven’t taken a vacation, not counting visiting family, since the last time we went to a game. That was September 4, 2004 — 5 years ago — when we watched Ohio State beat Cincinnati. We may have gone to 1 or 2 other games since I graduated in 2002, but we’ve never been anywhere else because we didn’t have a honeymoon.
Money isn’t necessarily the reason we haven’t done more traveling. My depression is. This recent trip has been planned since June or July and when we made the decision, I was worried that we’d have to cancel at the last minute because I would feel too depressed to go anywhere. Not knowing how you feel from day to day is frustrating. However, I resolved that I would go no matter what. I showed up to celebrate Mother’s Day for my mom here in Chicago, even though I hadn’t once showered the previous 2 weeks. I don’t think she cared about that; I think she was just happy I was there. And that’s what counts — that I showed up. Since then I’ve been doing pretty good about keeping my commitments, but I’ve stumbled a few times.
Still, going out of town is more complicated. Not only is there the depression to contend with, but there’s the IBS. Medication helps me to be regular, but sometimes I have accidents. This is embarrassing, discouraging, and anxiety-inducing. Not only that, anxiety can induce the lack of control. For me, it increases my depression and self-loathing. It’s reached the point where I’m sometimes afraid to leave the apartment. Most days I won’t go anywhere until after I’ve had a BM because I don’t like going in public places. Also, I absolutely hate having to depend on Depends when I’m neither potty training nor super-elderly. I’ve accepted that diapers are sometimes a necessary thing, but I don’t like it.
This trip was not without some accidents. I tried really hard not to let it discourage me, but each day was jam-packed with activity, all of which was stressful — not bad stress, but stress just the same. The night before we left was the worst, and because we didn’t pack enough diapers (sounds silly since we don’t have kids), Brian had to find a pharmacy that was open 24 hours and drive there at 3 in the morning. Columbus doesn’t have a Walgreens on just about every corner like Chicago does. I was practically in tears from the pain and the worry about the trip home, but it turned out fine. Still, having to deal with this is tough.
But we had a great time, which is the important thing. I got out of bed every day and did stuff and had lots of fun. I’m proud of myself for going to the game and for keeping our dinner date with Heather and her husband, despite my last-minute anxiety. I wish we could have stayed a little longer, but I’m glad that I got through it all, the good and the bad, and that we’re home.
To be honest, I think I was just as nervous as you. But! I have to say, if you had any anxiety at all, it didn’t show. I was actually very impressed at how outgoing and comfortable you were. (Did ya notice I needed a beer to calm my anxiety a little?) And! You’re sooooooo pretty! You have pretty eyes and a great smile and cute hair! Sorry you got sick later though.
I still think it’s funny that you lived in Cowtown after I moved back to Chicago. You know, I lived in Grandview for a year. I still miss it, actually. (and I miss Graeters in all it’s lactose-tastic, gut twitch inducing glory).
I’m sorry you’ve developed IBS. I know a few women who deal with it or Crohn’s Disease (which is just as evil). I can’t imagine how you ever draw up the courage to leave the house some days. I know that when my depression thwacks me it’s hard to be motivated to do anything at all.
I would love to meet up with you and Brian at some time in the future, one of my trips home to visit family.
I’m so glad you went, good for you! I know the anxiety/depression thing and it gets in my way of doing a lot of stuff.
Robin´s last blog ..The Chocostache
@Heather, it didn’t show because I took an extra Klonopin earlier in the day!
We went to the Book Loft in German Village. Ever been there? There are 32 rooms filled with books — it’s cramped and crowded and busy with books on display and with people. I nearly had a panic attack, so I took that Klonopin when we got back to the hotel.
You’re so easygoing and down-to-earth that I felt really comfortable around you. Were you ever a model? You should be!
The reason I got sick was because I drank a lot more coffee than usual that day — I wasn’t thinking.
@Amy, ironic, isn’t it? Grandview? Swanky! We lived near Broad and Parsons — Papa John’s wouldn’t even deliver! We got coffee and studied at Stauf’s in Grandview.
I miss it, too, but our friends from school have moved away. But I don’t miss everything being so spread out and the lack of enough 24-hour places. Do you remember the Staples at Lennox, on Olentangy River Road? I was so pissed when they stopped being a 24-hour place! I mean, a 24-hour Staples! How cool is that?
More people have IBS than they realize. I never knew I had it until I started losing control. Even then, it wasn’t diagnosed right away. Have you noticed that the commercials for Amitiza and Benefiber all feature women?
I’m dying to hang out with you again! I wasn’t sure if you were still in the area or someplace else. I should have asked. And don’t worry — no trips to the E.R. when we finally do meet up!
@Robin, I’m really glad I went, too. And relieved that I made it through, in spite of anxiety and depression.
Good for you that you went. Dealing with IBS isn’t easy and makes everything more nerve racking, but I’m happy to see you’re doing stuff and are not keeping you from enjoying your time away. Keep it up!
Thank you. It’s definitely nerve-racking. But we’ll be doing it again on a smaller scale later this month and next month — a visit to Brian’s parents and to the Ohio State vs. Purdue game at Purdue!