A few weeks ago I wrote a post about how, as I was nearing 40 I was re-evaluating my life and basically feeling sorry for myself, but realized there are things I need to do in order to break out of this depression (relapses included) that’s lasted way too long. One of the things I decided is to go back to weekly therapy on a regular basis. Yesterday, I finally got off my ass and called my new/former therapist. I have an appointment for next week. Check.
Another thing I decided, which I haven’t written about until now, is to try managing my bipolarness without medication. Last spring the pdoc put me on a low dose of Abilify, which is an antidepressant used as an adjunct to a patient’s regular antidepressant — sort of like a booster. It worked great for a few weeks and I felt hopeful for the first time in months. That ran its course, my pdoc put me on the next higher dosage, and I had a repeat performance minus the hope because I suspected that the new dose would also run its course and it’d be back to ECT for me. I mean, I’ve been on just about every antidepressant out there, have tried some of the same ones during different times in my life with various results because of how your body chemistry changes — what a pain.
When the Abilify wasn’t doing the trick, I decided I’d had enough. I felt incredibly overmedicated. I mean, in addition to Wellbutrin and Abilify, I was on mood stabilizers, a sleep aid, anxiety medication, prescription allergy medication, and Amitiza because all the other meds, that I can’t not take, give me really bad constipation, which has been a lifelong problem for me as it is! Add to that my oral contraceptive and a daily nasal spray (allergies and chronic sinusitis). I just felt really gross. OK, probably the fact that I wasn’t showering on a regular basis had something to do with it, but I felt gross mentally, too.
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From the summer of 1998 through the fall of 1999 I wasn’t on any medication whatsoever, and I was thriving! I still saw my
pdoc and therapist regularly, but it was a year that would have been difficult and overwhelming during the best of circumstances: putting myself through my senior year of college, taking the Shakespeare course I’d been putting off, studying for the GRE, applying for grad schools, finalizing my divorce, moving out-of-state. Yet it was one of the most positive years of my life.
So when I met with the pdoc this past June, I brought up the idea of trying to manage the bipolarness without meds. I’m fortunate that he’s the type of doctor that actually listens to his patients and doesn’t simply decide that he knows better than they do what’s good for them because he has a medical degree. I was so down and depressed that I almost decided to tell him to go ahead and sign me up for ECT. I did say that I’d go that route if being off meds didn’t work.
Well, I’ve been completely off the Abilify and Wellbutrin since June 28, and I’m doing a zillion times better than I was while on them. I’ve been able to cut down on my dose of Amitiza because — surprise! — I can go to the bathroom easier! My mom, who isn’t exactly known for her compliments, noticed that my skin looks great because it’s cleared up. OK, maybe that also has to do with my new commitment to taking care of my skin. I get PMS zits, but still.
Once I was off the antidepressants, the pdoc asked if I wanted to start being weaned off the mood stabilizers. I said no, and I still take that (Tegretol), the anxiety meds (Klonopin), and sleep aid (trazodone) at night. In fact, I was the one who asked to be put on mood stabilizers at least a year ago because of the effect having a uterine fibroid has had on my PMS symptoms (read: extra-bitchy roller coaster ride). It’s good to know that if and when I’m ready to be off these other meds, my pdoc is willing to give it a try.
I realize there may come a time when I have to be back on antidepressants or even undergo ECT. For now, things are proceeding nicely, but it’s good to know that I have a say-so in how I’m going to be treated; I’m not just the patient, but a member of my health care team, as well.
Such an important statement: “I’m not just the patient, but a member of my health care team, as well.”
Sheri´s last blog ..Michele Bachmann and Mental Health
Congratulations on ALL of this.
Megan´s last blog ..The Great Late Blight of 2009
I believe medications ebb and flow over time, right now I feel certain ones I don’t need and I’m also not going to therapy. This could all change tomorrow, I take it day by day. I did know that at one point I was sick of being full of different meds.
Robin´s last blog ..My Childfree Mind
@Sheri, indeed!
@Megan, thanks for staying with me on my journey!
@Robin, exactly — I think I was on more prescription drugs than I ever was on recreational drugs! And yeah, it could all change tomorrow but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn’t.
I just hope you don’t get Tardive dyskinesia with all those antidepressants and antipsychotics you’re taking. I hope you have a really good psychiatrist.
That’s a side effect of the older antidepressants, which I’ve never taken, and of antipsychotics. I’ve taken the latter a few times, but not on a long-term basis and those were the atypical antipsychotics, which again, are less likely to have this side effect.
My pdoc has been working with me since December 1994 except when I was in grad school because I was out of state. However, even while my pdoc has treated me, I’ve worked with other pdocs during partial hospitalizations, and some of those experiences have not been positive. I’m very lucky to have the pdoc that I do. He’s well-respected in his field and is a former president of both the Illinois Psychiatric Association and Chicago Medical Association. I’m in good hands.
Oh wow! That is SO awesome. =) I’m glad you’re still doin’ your thing Barb… and thanks SO much for the support!
April´s last blog ..Motivated
I’m really lucky to have this guy. And you always have my support! (((hugs)))