What I Didn’t Do

Many people live one day at a time. This was an adage I learned in rehab way back when, and one I try to live by. However, when I’m depressed, which, as some of you know, I’ve been for about 2 years now, I sometimes have to live life one activity at a time. For example today, I knew while drinking my coffee that the next activity I would engage in was to shower, which I did in fact do, since that’s part of my daily routine. Sometimes even showering is so difficult that I have to walk myself through each step one at a time — shampoo, condition, soap up, rinse. Towel off. Put in contacts. You get the idea.

Often I have fantasies of what I’ll do next, and usually it involves leaving the apartment all by myself and driving someplace all by myself. Other days I fantasize about actually writing a blog post. Today’s fantasy was to go to Staples to buy a blue printer cartridge. Of course, I haven’t been on the computer much so it isn’t like I need blue ink in a rush. Oh, yeah — if you haven’t already noticed, I’ve been avoiding the computer. I love my BlackBerry!

Anyway, as I psyched myself up to go to the nearby Staples, never mind the 2 mountainous zits on my face that I doubt even concealer could conceal (the good news is that for the past month or so I’ve taken more of an interest in my appearance), I realized that I’ve actually forgotten where Staples is located: on Wilson or on Lawrence? That pretty much made up my mind. Sure, I could look it up online but that would be too much work. Or I could go to Office Depot, which is just a bit further away, but I definitely know how to get there. On the other hand, Office Depot is so much darker and depressing than Staples, which has a brighter, redder decor.

Ironically, in the book I’m currently reading, Douglas Coupland’s The Gum Thief, the main characters work at a Staples. And, at least, I wrote a blog post.