I finally deleted my account. I never use it and it doesn’t work when I do. Like, when I visit someone else’s blog who I know has MyBlogLog because they appear in my Recent Visitors widget (that I’ve deleted), my avatar never shows up on their Recent Visitors. WTF’s the point if they don’t even know you’ve been by?

I’ve surpassed my goal of writing 5-10 poems for the PAD Challenge and have written 16, which includes today’s prompt. On 4 out of the past 5 days I was able to write and submit poems on the same day the prompt was posted. I’m feeling pretty good about myself: I’m writing again — I can’t remember the last time I wrote a poem — maybe 7 years? And now I have 16. They aren’t all great; I mean, this challenge is more about quantity than quality, to just get yourself to write. After all the trouble I’ve had writing anything creative these past few years, this is working.

Yesterday’s prompt is to take the title of another poet’s poem, alter it, and use it as the title for your own poem, though you don’t have to write it in the same style as the original. Mine’s called “Barber at the Green Mill,” which I did style after the original, but in my own way. (Patricia Barber is a Chicago jazz pianist/vocalist who usually plays Monday nights at the Green Mill.) I won’t post mine here, but here’s the poem I chose to switch up the title. Anyone who may think they don’t understand poetry, I hope, will be surprised.

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Lately I’ve had trouble doing just that — more so in creative and analytical writing (say, a book review). In my blog posts, it doesn’t matter because I can write whatever the fuck I want and if it doesn’t match the context of the post’s title, or digresses, or doesn’t make any sense at all, who cares? Plus I tend to write the way I talk, swear words and all. I may not have the audience I used to, but a few people still come by and read, even if they don’t leave comments (like Brian). And if they revisit my blog, then I know they don’t care if I make sense or not. As long as the grammar’s decent.

I’m certain this is directly correlated with the depression. The new med the pdoc added to my cocktail a couple months back has run its course. Too bad, really, because it was working like you wouldn’t believe. But in the past 2 weeks, my particular set of symptoms began recurring so a week ago he upped the dose. When he first put me on it, it worked immediately. It’s been a week now and if anything, I’m getting worse. Because this is just an adjunct to my current antidepressant, it shouldn’t take like, 6 weeks or whatever, to start working, especially since I’ve already been taking it.

What’s my point? Oh, yeah. One of my symptoms is the inability to put phrases, let alone sentences, let alone paragraphs together. Sometimes it enters my verbal communication, even. Yesterday, Brian and I had the most stupid argument because of a lack of communication and comprehension on my part about what he wanted me to write on the frickin’ Walgreens list. It’s incredibly frustrating. And, of course, part of me wonders how much of this also has to do with the ECT.

Oops. I haven’t taken my meds yet this morning. Better go do that. Heh.

What I thought would make the PAD Challenge easier is that you’re provided with a prompt on which your poem must be based. I figured this would help because I wouldn’t have to come up with subjects of my own, and it did at first.

Now, I’m finding that prompts make writing both easy and hard. I’ve said why it’s easy, but that’s the same exact reason why it’s hard. You sometimes have to write about something you’d never, ever in a million years write a poem about, no matter how you interpret the prompt — and in this case, you’re allowed to do it loosely.

Some days I feel like a dog being given a command; other days I feel like my creativity is being sparked. I don’t know. Either way, it’s like this love/hate thing going on in my brain, but I’m not sure what it’s about: the ease of the prompts; the challenge; the creativity; the writing; or something else that has nothing to do with writing whatsoever.

So you like House, do you? Then you’d recognize the title of this post. Me, I used to watch House reruns and some new episodes until I realized that the entire show is procedural, with some of House’s personal life sprinkled in. If they could have made it more of a balance, like Bones, then it would’ve held my interest longer. Still, I like the idea of an iconoclastic doctor.

What I like even more is how the TV show is helping raise money for the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI), an organization that raises awareness for the mentally ill, being bipolar myself and all.

If you don’t think the T-shirt’s as cool as I do, then at least check out the site and add the widget to your blog. Too bad the damn graphic wouldn’t fit in my sidebar.