That’s how the pdoc described me when Brian took me to see him this past Monday. The doctor put me back on Wellbutrin, an anti-depressant I’ve been on before and worked for a while, anyway. It’s supposed to help decrease my irritability and do something else, but I can’t remember what he said. He increased my Tegretol (mood stabilizer) from 600 mg to 800 mg. I’ve been on even more than that before, but he wants to take it slow. Maybe that’s what’s supposed to decrease my irritability and the Wellbutrin’s supposed to do something else? He also decided that my ECTs should be every four weeks again instead of every six weeks, which was how far apart the last two were.
Although he says this is the least functional he’s ever seen me (since I became his patient in December 1995), that this is probably my all-time low according to my chart, in December 2005 I started having trouble with depression — like, during the month of December. However, he’s very optimistic that these changes in meds will have me up and about and playing hockey in like, three weeks. Please. I haven’t done any physical activity since that last game in October — I’d have to train for about two weeks first before I even think about hitting the ice! Anyway . . .
I know I’ve been worse than I am now. According to my LiveJournal, which is where I started blogging and have yet to import the posts here (some day), I think there was a time a few years ago when I didn’t even shower for like, two weeks! Or maybe it’s that I didn’t leave the apartment for two weeks. Or both. I just don’t want to look up my December posts of the last several years. Certainly not while I’m in this frame of mind. I’d rather look ahead.
Brian will be taking me to see the PCP this Thursday regarding the period stuff. What a frickin’ pain.
Brian and I met with the Interventional Radiologist yesterday to go over my pre-surgical MRIs I had done last week and to discuss whether or not I’d be a good candidate for the uterine embolization. Well, I’m not. The doctor said that because of the small size of the fibroid (1/3″), he doesn’t believe it’s causing the emotional or the physical symptoms I’m experiencing, so now I’m back to square one. He conjectured that the emotional stuff are signs of a classical depression — tired all the time, increased appetite, and son on; but couldn’t explain the periods every two weeks, constant bloaty feeling, the length of my periods, etc.
I already have my regular appointment with the pdoc scheduled for Monday, and now I’ll be seeing the PCP in a couple of weeks to figure out what to do next. In a way I’m disappointed about this outcome because I thought it would make these awful emotional and physical feelings go away. I’m still somewhat bedridden and definitely housebound. On the other hand, I’m relieved about not having to have more surgery/medical procedures done.
Maybe I’m wrong, but if the fibroid isn’t feeding the depression, then the ECT isn’t working. These last two sessions have been six weeks apart, so maybe I’ll have to have them every four weeks again. I just don’t know. All I know is that I’m sick of feeling the way I do.
Tiger vs. Tiger
(click to enlarge)
(click here to view the game pics)
*groan* Another hockey post, you say? Well, it almost feels like my swan song game post, since I won’t be playing for a while. Oh, yeah: I’m having the MRI for the uterine fibroid embolization tomorrow; if I have the energy later in the day, I’ll write more details. Or the next day, or the next day after that, or the next week, or when the whole ordeal is over with.
So if this is my hockey swan song (I know I’m being fatalistic — indulge me), it was a great one. It was Sunday, October 28, and Brian and I were pigging out on ribs and watching the Bears game. I get a call around 4:00 p.m. from a goalie friend/mentor asking if I could sub for her. That night. At 8:00 p.m. At a rink I’ve never played in. Against a team I’ve never played against. But I jumped on the chance even though I was terrified. The Inferno is a team that’s at least two levels more advanced than my own! Luckily, I know many of the team members from the Spring and Summer Mixers, so that eased some of my anxiety.
It wasn’t my best game even though we tied. My teammates that night said I did great, and I thanked them for the opportunity to play at a higher level. I didn’t see much action that night, and when I did, I, personally, think I sucked because I didn’t get much action. Thankfully, my teammates were there to pick up my slack.
Ironically, the goalie subbing for the Vikings’ own is the Blue Tigers’ goaltender! And the skater who scored their first goal against me, but whose shot I’m blocking above is on the Tigers’ White team!
Two things I learned this game: women’s hockey in the greater Chicagoland area is still barely getting off the ground, otherwise we wouldn’t all be running into each other; and not seeing much action for most of the game isn’t necessarily a good thing because your muscles start getting cold and stiffening up on you, and you also end up thinking too much instead of simply reacting.
I can’t believe this was over a month ago. This was the last time I played.
Brian’s Goalie Summary
First Period: First goal was on a 2-on-1 breakaway; the shooter scored with a wrist shot, low on my stick side.
Vikings 1, Inferno 0.
Second Period: Shutout.
Vikings 1, Inferno 1.
Third Period: See first period.
Final Score: Vikings 2, Inferno 2. (Note that Brian’s stats may not match those reflected on the scoreboard, but since it’s Brian’s summary, I always go by his stats. Besides, most of the time, the scorekeeper doesn’t keep track of the players’ shots on goal, at least not on the board.)
For stats abbreviation key, see below.
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