Brian took me to see the pdoc on Monday, who was all for having the fibroid removed. Like the PCP said today, there’s no guarantee that it’ll “cure” my depression, but since it isn’t a major surgery, then why not? The pdoc also said that my affect is good, meaning that outsiders, even friends, family members, my teammates, anyone who knows me fairly closely, would never know that I’m suffering from depression — except for Brian, of course, because he sees me at home. The pdoc pointed out that I can laugh as easily as anyone who isn’t suffering from depression, that I’m not even faking it, that my smiles and laughter are genuine. Ironic, isn’t it?
My symptoms, he said, are more behavioral: the trouble getting out of bed, getting in the shower (both of which have improved), getting out of the house on my own (still needs work). He suggested having the fibroid taken out after my next ECT, which is scheduled for December 3. His thinking is that he wants me to have any little thing that might help my depression before the surgery.
We saw the PCP this morning, who said the best course of action is to have the fibroid embolized. I’m not even sure that’s the right term, but basically, the surgeon makes maybe a couple of small incisions and cuts the blood supply off to the fibroid, so they aren’t actually removing it, but it may still go away on its own. I guess as long as it isn’t getting any blood, it can’t function. I’ll need either another ultrasound or maybe an MRI before any surgery is scheduled, and he isn’t sure which surgeon he wants to do it or at what hospital. Although my PCP is affiliated with Death Star Hospital, the OB/gyn surgeon there uses more invasive techniques, in his opinion. He’ll be calling us on Monday with the logistics.
Unfortunately, this means no hockey until probably after the first of the year, but there’s always the Air Hockey app on Crackbook, that sometimes freezes up in the middle of a game. 
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Well, I will play and beat you at air hockey
I am the champ 
Hope things get better… happy thanksgiving.
November 23, 2007 11:53 am
I have trouble getting out of bed and into the shower my own dang self, even on a good day. I guess at least I usually shower a couple times a week now. Dang…that sounds bad!
I can usually get to work now. Which is a great improvement from most times in the past!
November 26, 2007 5:55 am
It’s almost funny how when we come down to some sort of even keel, usually it’s just short of the baseline “blah” feeling, and more sad than anything.
Sometimes it just becomes a matter of picking something that’s worth getting out of bed/showering/working for.
Know what I mean?
November 28, 2007 11:26 am
logtar, thanks for the sentiment, but Crackbook’s Air Hockey app is 1-player only.
Cheesemeister, it would really help a lot if the frickin’ radiators were on! I swear, the stupid landlords turn them off after they think everyone else is at work. Well, hello! Not all of us can work! Dumbfucks. And the shower isn’t any better, but I’ll stop here.
On a positive note, congratulations on your improvement!
Remember — we should all stay positive and think positive thoughts. 
dan, oh, do I. Right now, all I have to get up for is to check e-mail, waste my time on Crackbook, and waste more playing Neopets. Except for the first one, the latter two are fun, I admit! I should be blogging. I should definitely be reading others’ blogs. At the very least, I should get around to reconstructing my blogroll. And even these things aren’t necessarily worth getting up for.
Other days, I just lack the energy. Like, I want to get out of bed (to play around on Crackbook and Neopets) but I’m too physically weak. And somehow, the idea of leaving the apartment by myself causes anxiety! WTF?! I feel really pathetic.
December 2, 2007 1:28 am