Brian took me to see the pdoc on Monday, who was all for having the fibroid removed. Like the PCP said today, there’s no guarantee that it’ll “cure” my depression, but since it isn’t a major surgery, then why not? The pdoc also said that my affect is good, meaning that outsiders, even friends, family members, my teammates, anyone who knows me fairly closely, would never know that I’m suffering from depression — except for Brian, of course, because he sees me at home. The pdoc pointed out that I can laugh as easily as anyone who isn’t suffering from depression, that I’m not even faking it, that my smiles and laughter are genuine. Ironic, isn’t it?

My symptoms, he said, are more behavioral: the trouble getting out of bed, getting in the shower (both of which have improved), getting out of the house on my own (still needs work). He suggested having the fibroid taken out after my next ECT, which is scheduled for December 3. His thinking is that he wants me to have any little thing that might help my depression before the surgery.

We saw the PCP this morning, who said the best course of action is to have the fibroid embolized. I’m not even sure that’s the right term, but basically, the surgeon makes maybe a couple of small incisions and cuts the blood supply off to the fibroid, so they aren’t actually removing it, but it may still go away on its own. I guess as long as it isn’t getting any blood, it can’t function. I’ll need either another ultrasound or maybe an MRI before any surgery is scheduled, and he isn’t sure which surgeon he wants to do it or at what hospital. Although my PCP is affiliated with Death Star Hospital, the OB/gyn surgeon there uses more invasive techniques, in his opinion. He’ll be calling us on Monday with the logistics.

Unfortunately, this means no hockey until probably after the first of the year, but there’s always the Air Hockey app on Crackbook, that sometimes freezes up in the middle of a game.

It seems as though the cats have been at the vet a lot lately, but really it’s Basil who’s had to have a lot of visits, and I’ll get to his labwork and ultrasound results in a sec.

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HOPPER

Hopper went today for her senior check-up. At our vet they offer more comprehensive exams for cats who are ten years old and up. The first exam is when they take all the bloodwork, X-rays, blood pressure, and all kinds of stuff they don’t normally check on younger cats. Part of the senior exam is to bring your cat in twice a year, so Hopper had her second exam today.

Everything was normal except that she lost a pound since her exam six months ago, but the vet determined that she’s OK, other than the fact that she could use a dental. However, she said it could wait ’til next year during which they can do her regular labwork so we wouldn’t have to do it twice. The vet didn’t think there was anything wrong with her and gave her a clean bill of health. Anyway, Hopper could have lost the weight since she and Basil are both on the Eukanuba Low-Residue diet now, so the doctor gave us a handout with some Web sites on which we can check the calories for nearly all cat foods currently on the market.

This second exam, luckily for Hopper, didn’t involve as much as the first one. Basically it was like a regular check-up for younger cats. Some people may think that the vets are just trying to make more money by suggesting that clients bring in their older cats twice a year, but if we hadn’t brought Basil in for his second check-up, we would never have known about his condition. By bringing in senior cats twice yearly, the vets can catch illnesses, including cancer, earlier so they can be treated faster and maybe even cured, depending on what it is.

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HEE SEOP

As for Hee Seop, he’s been on a diet since last spring because he’s — was — overweight. I think he started out at around 14 or 15 lbs. and is now down to 11 lbs. 14 oz.; his target weight is 11 lbs. So every one to two months, he goes in for a free weight check. Since Hopper was going, we figured we might as well schedule his weight check, too. In fact, on the way home, Hopper deigned to ride in the same carrier with Hee Seop! She can’t stand him! We brought them in separate carriers, so this was quite a surprise.

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BASIL

Basil, Basil, Basil. He’s supposed to have another check-up scheduled in the next week or so to make sure his new treatment regimen is working. We got his lab results on the day my grandfather died, so I hadn’t gotten around to revealing them.

He has pancreatitis, which means he has trouble digesting certain vitamins and enzymes. This was the cause of all his vomiting and inability to digest his food, which is why he’s on that Eukanuba diet. Even before the bloodwork, the doctor put him on Pepcid AC and metoclopramide (an anti-nausea medication). Since his test results came back positive for pancreatitis, he is now on Denosyl, which helps him digest his food easier. We also give him a shot of vitamin B₁₂ once a week, since this is one of the nutrients his body now has difficulty digesting.

It wasn’t as “good” a result as simply irritable bowel syndrome, and if his next check-up shows that the Denosyl and vitamin supplements aren’t helping, it could be the worst case scenario: lymphoma, which is cancer and can’t be cured. However, I seriously doubt he has lymphoma. We’re still waiting to hear back from his doctor as to whether or not we should continue giving him fluids, since he isn’t dehydrated, though now we only “water” him every four days instead of every two.

As for the cardiac ultrasound he had on Tuesday, the results were good! Though he has a slightly leaky mitral valve, they described his heart murmur as “innocent.” No extra meds; just an annual ultrasound, which was a HUGE relief, let me tell you!

Really, he’s been himself since he started taking the metoclopramide and stopped vomiting. He picks on Hopper once in a while, roughhouses with the boys — his activity and energy level are pretty normal. Yay!

Today I made some progress: I ordered delivery for dinner, which meant actually talking to someone on the phone and having to interact with the delivery guy. I took a shower for the first time since…I don’t know when; a few days at least. So why do I still feel so depressed?

Maybe I feel some guilt for not going to this banquet my mom wanted us to go to tonight (that’s another story in itself)? More likely because I’m not playing in tonight’s game, which starts in about 15 minutes.

Early tomorrow morning Hopper has her second senior check-up of the year and Hee Seop has his weight check. This time, unlike earlier this week when Basil had his ultrasound, I am planning to go with Brian. I’ll blog about everyone’s results then.

I can’t stand this depressive episode any longer. Clearly the ECT isn’t helping. I’ve been putting off making this decision for a very long time, but last night I finally did it, and it was very difficult.

I’m taking a break from hockey, the one activity that keeps me out of depression and focuses my anxiety, in order to have my fibroid removed. Of course, the reason I was even able to start playing hockey again was because the ECT worked. The Seasonique, though it has cut back on my periods, hasn’t improved my depression. I’m convinced it’s some sort of hormonal thing from the fibroid that’s exacerbating this. Anyway, until this thing is gone from my body, we won’t truly know if the ECT is helping. It was before, so it makes sense that it’s this stupid fibroid and that once it’s gone, the ECT will work again.

I’m angry about being so depressed that I’ve been housebound for the last several weeks and it’s a huge chore just getting in the shower. I don’t even know how I managed to hold up in Las Vegas, other than that we were surrounded by family. Here it’s just my sister and her husband, and my mother, all of whom have lives of their own. We get together every so often, but no one stops by every day, even for just a few minutes.

Yesterday, I knew things were really bad when I couldn’t get myself to accompany Brian to drop off and pick up Basil from the vet for his cardiac ultrasound. I didn’t even have to drive, all I had to do was sit in the passenger seat, and the place is literally five blocks away! That’s when I knew.

I’m angry that I have to stop playing hockey, but I know it isn’t forever, and I’m hoping I’ll be back on the ice after the holidays. Other people have had to stop playing for a while, so why should I be any different? Maybe it doesn’t hold as much sway for them. I don’t know.

I do know that I need time to think, to write, to blog. There’s been so much going on and blogging about it has helped in the past. I’ve been keeping too much inside, withdrawing from people. Always having a big smile to both the online world and the world outside my apartment when I manage to venture out. I can’t anymore.

I know it’s a few days after Halloween, but I thought I’d post this anyway. My sister was the one who actually carved this jack-o-lantern. It features her cat Ozzie. In sillhoutte. Um, yeah.

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Angelo says: More pet pics are available for your viewing pleasure at this week’s Friday Ark. If you post your own pets’ photos, leave them a trackback or comment and you’ll be listed there, too. And remember — they don’t limit pictures just to cats!