. . . a real blog post! A very good blog friend called me last week to make sure I’m OK. She noticed that I hadn’t posted anything in ten days, which surprised even me. I realize that most of what I’ve been posting is “filler” unless you’re absolutely interested in the Star Wars and hockey components of my blog, the former of which I’ve been neglecting, the latter of which I know there’s definitely some interest, especially to anyone (me) who’s been tracking my progress of overcoming depression enough to start playing hockey again; well, really, my progress as a goalie. 
Hey — at least I haven’t been posting only memes and quizzes!
I haven’t posted anything personal because things are bad. There’s been so much going on that I’m afraid to even list my problems because I’ll feel even more overwhelmed. The main problem, I think, is increased anxiety, and all of that has been because of the fibroid; the GI thing, which had been under control until a couple of accidents recently; making sure I’m able to keep my commitments (the only ones I’ve managed to are to hockey); settling in to the regular hockey season after only playing maybe once a week since the Puck Cancer Tournament in August; not working out as much as I should be; taking the train to see my therapist instead of driving (one of the items on my 43 Things list is to start taking public transportation again); issues with my mom and family life; probably things that I make worse in my mind than they are in real life; and, my blog friend pointed out, the fact that I’m constantly beating up on myself. She hit the nail right on the head with that one.
There. So I’ve listed some of the stuff that’s been causing stress, increasing my anxiety, and in turn, feeding my depression. There’s really more to it than what I’ve just written, but I’ll try to write about one thing at a time. However, you’ll have to “put up” with two more hockey posts this week (I don’t want to get behind again) because I’m a week behind, and we played two games this past weekend. And probably a few more Star Wars reviews because where I’m at on the Star Wars timeline, it’s all comic books, which are obviously quicker to read than novels. The next book won’t be coming for another another five SW years. Aren’t you excited? 
Sorry I haven’t come by as much. I’ve been busy with all sorts of crap. I don’t think I’m even on anybody’s blog roll anymore! Oh well, so it goes. I asked several people to take me off their blog roll since I went underground because I was being harrassed. But I don’t think he ever invaded here. I hope you’re doing all right these days.
well, if it makes you feel any better, i really look forward to getting force choked, slapped, roundhouse kicked, bitten, mooned, etc… by you via facebook.
and btw – i just tagged you for a book meme on my blog… i also have a few gorillas in my life that i’m just ignoring until i’m ready to deal with them… you’re not alone. one meme and filler post at a time…
xoxox
You hit that nail on the head. I’m not interested in movie revies, and I’m not a hockey fan, although I think you do make your hockey posts sort of interesting for non-fans. What makes me keep coming back is that when you get rolling you have one of the best blogs on the internet. I wasn’t surprised to read on your blog that you are highly educated. It reall shows up in the quality of your writing.
Concerning depression, I think one of the best definitions of it that I have ever read of it goes like this: Depression is a condition caused by a person wanting something very badly, feeling that he or she absolutely has to have it to be happy,and doubting that he or she is capable of getting it.
I’m not sure that all depressions can be summed up that way, but I am convinced that at a minimum most can be. Whether it be money, good health, popularity, a love interest, children, a relationship with a specific person, job security, or whatever, I think the definition applies.
The irony is that no one has to have any of those things to be happy.
I love the fact that you are playing hockey. The more pleasure you can bring into your life, the less the things you don’t have will matter to you.
Cheesemeister, don’t apologize! I haven’t been reading blogs and need to start doing so again. I also need to clean out my blogroll, trouble with Blogrolling, long story, blah blah. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I’m not at my best, but I’m doing the best that I can.
I have, as mamazilla has revealed, been spending an awful lot of time on Crackbook, and now I find out I’ve been tagged for a meme! When will I ever have a chance to write a “real” post again?
On a serious note, Gary, thank you so much for your honesty. Yours is the best non-clinical definition of depression I have ever come across. I was concerned at first that you were flaming me, which I have experienced when writing about being bipolar and I’m so glad I was wrong.
Although I do suffer from treatment-resistant depression, ECT has helped, or I wouldn’t be playing hockey. Regular exercise and hockey have indeed helped my depression. But you’re right — the things feeding my current depression are situational. I’m planning to write about it, but you beat me to it! Still, at least I have your comment as a reminder of some important things I need (and used) to address.
I’ve written other reviews in the past that weren’t about Star Wars. I’ve made this a priority lately, in order to practice my writing skills which admittedly, were affected by the number of ECTs I had in a specific period of time last year. In that regard, it’s my blog, and I can write about Star Wars if I want to!
Seriously, please know that I’ve taken what you said to heart.
Aww Hon, I am sorry there is so much causing you stress right now. I know the feeling sort of, though my stress causing stuff is not with way as much impact as yours… It feels like you running after yourself and can’t get a grip on things…
I hope at least some of the stuff will let up… Big Hugz from Dutchyland. And you KNOW that The Kid loves the Star Wars stuff!
NEVER doubt the power of hockey to sustain, to enliven and to enrich! (man, do I ever sound like a religious zealot….) But I think you might be a little like me: you feel better after you’ve played.
DB, yeah, that’s pretty much how it feels. So I’ve been avoiding stuff by playing around on Crackbook. Life just seems easier there somehow.
bp_hockey_chick, true enough. Oftentimes I don’t feel like going to practice or even a game but am always glad that I did so afterwards.