by James Luceno

Originally published as an ebook, James Luceno’s short story, “Saboteur,” introduces Darths Sidious and Maul to the Star Wars Expanded Universe canon. Though it is unrequired reading, it serves as an excellent introduction to Luceno’s novel, Cloak of Deception, and is now available as bonus material in Michael Reaves’s paperback novel, Darth Maul: Shadow Hunter, which follows Cloak of Deception chronologically on the EU timeline.

Darth Sidious does not play a large role, but the essence of the Sith Master’s relationship with his apprentice, Darth Maul, is revealed. Indeed, the story centers around Maul’s first solo mission to the Outer Rim planet, Dorvalla.

Dorvalla’s main resource is lommite ore, one of the substances employed in the creation of transparisteel, used for windows, ground vehicle windscreens, air- and spaceship canopies, and the like. Maul barely interacts with any characters on Dorvalla, but “Saboteur” exemplifies Sith cunning and subterfuge in orchestrating events, both on local and galactic scales. Luceno not only describes Maul’s peak physical condition and swordsmanship through his actions, but brings readers into his mind — his very thought processes. Because of Maul’s intense focus on discipline, his brief display of sensitivity (from which he quickly recovers) and sense of humor are nice surprises, as is his deference to Sidious. Darth Maul is so often portrayed as the face of evil and ruthlessness, a man of few words, that it is easy to view him as two-dimensional, which Luceno overcomes by imbuing him with these other qualities. Maul is eager to be on his own and to please his Master: he is so confident in his physical abilities and intelligence that failure seems not to be a part of Darth Maul’s worldview.

One of the things that’s most important to people with mood disorders is routine. That’s why our psychiatrists and therapists stress going to bed and getting up at the same time every day. I’m a definite proponent of routine; so much so, that when I get derailed like I did today, I sometimes end up giving up and just spending the rest of the day in bed. I had done well for weeks, allowing myself to get back on track, but not today. Back to that in a moment.

As some of you know, I had a sinus infection about a month ago that seemed not to heal. I was tired all the time; all I did was read and sleep. I saw the PCP shortly before my last pdoc appointment, and as he’s told me time and again whenever I’ve seen him due to lack of energy, he said it was from stress and tension. It had been just over a week since the Puck Cancer Cup and I was the one who organized my team and was trying as fast as I could to upload the pictures, which of course, for me, didn’t happen fast enough. I still have three game posts to write (not that anybody cares, but for my own sense of peace). Anyway, the Monday after the tournament weekend I had ECT, and at least this time, it didn’t take me two days to recover from the anesthesia. According to the bloodwork they did when I had the ECT, my anemia is fine.

Still, I was left without energy, but it continued to the following week, and I know it isn’t from the ECT. The week before, I believe I started taking Tegretol again, which I hadn’t taken in months. It’s an anti-convulsant, after all, but because of my quick shifts in moods — even within 15 minutes — my pdoc, Brian, and I felt it was necessary. I just don’t take it the day before I have ECT.

But what was/is this moodiness from? My fibroid? I’ve taken Yasmin for at least three full cycles now, and though it has stemmed my PMS symptoms, my luck’s run out: last month, I had my period twice. I suppose that much blood loss could cause a person to lose energy but mine aren’t that heavy, and that’s just it. I never know what the hell’s wrong with me. For example, is my stomachache due to gas, or are they cramps?

Am I tired because I’m so stressed, or could it be the Tegretol? We just got the pdoc’s blessing today to take all the Tegretol at night instead of one in the morning and two at night. Because of this, I’m to stop taking trazodone. Since mid-summer I’ve only been taking 100 mg. of trazodone, but for the past few weeks, I end up sleeping for nearly 12 hours no matter what time I take it! I try to take it at the same time at night — earlier and earlier these last couple of nights, but if I take it at 10:00 p.m., I still wake up at nearly 10:00 a.m.!

So . . . is this lack of energy due to stress, or because of the change in medication? I took the PCP’s advice and started working out again, so it’s been a week that I’ve been back into my workout routine. And yet, when I’m about to climb off the stationary bike, I feel really sleepy! WTF? That doesn’t make any sense at all. Is it because of the Tegretol that I take in the morning?

Today I was supposed to take Hee Seop to the vet for a weight check. We’ve done it before, it’s pretty much an in-and-out routine and the vet’s a five-minute drive away. I’ve taken him on my own in the past, but today he gave me trouble. I spent 15 minutes literally chasing him all over the apartment, which isn’t so much large, as it is really long and just couldn’t catch him. I was so frustrated that I was in tears, called the vet, and rescheduled for Saturday, when I’ll have “back-up” in the form of Brian. The lady I spoke with was very understanding and was trying to make me feel better.

I decided that I’d do pilates (it’s pilates day) with the hopes that the stretching and breathing would calm me down. I turned the TV on, and all I saw was one vertical line all the way across the screen. This started happening recently. Usually it goes away after a minute, but I waited at least ten. I called Brian, who suggested jiggling the VCR cord, and that worked, but by then I was done.

The day was over. I’m surprised I’m even writing this post. I spent the rest of the day in bed, reading and sleeping. I only got up because the upstairs neighbor happened to knock on my door and we chatted for a while. I’m just fucking sick of all this. I just want to know what’s going on with me. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.