What the Hell Is Wrong with My Body/Mind?
One of the things that’s most important to people with mood disorders is routine. That’s why our psychiatrists and therapists stress going to bed and getting up at the same time every day. I’m a definite proponent of routine; so much so, that when I get derailed like I did today, I sometimes end up giving up and just spending the rest of the day in bed. I had done well for weeks, allowing myself to get back on track, but not today. Back to that in a moment.
As some of you know, I had a sinus infection about a month ago that seemed not to heal. I was tired all the time; all I did was read and sleep. I saw the PCP shortly before my last pdoc appointment, and as he’s told me time and again whenever I’ve seen him due to lack of energy, he said it was from stress and tension. It had been just over a week since the Puck Cancer Cup and I was the one who organized my team and was trying as fast as I could to upload the pictures, which of course, for me, didn’t happen fast enough. I still have three game posts to write (not that anybody cares, but for my own sense of peace). Anyway, the Monday after the tournament weekend I had ECT, and at least this time, it didn’t take me two days to recover from the anesthesia. According to the bloodwork they did when I had the ECT, my anemia is fine.
Still, I was left without energy, but it continued to the following week, and I know it isn’t from the ECT. The week before, I believe I started taking Tegretol again, which I hadn’t taken in months. It’s an anti-convulsant, after all, but because of my quick shifts in moods — even within 15 minutes — my pdoc, Brian, and I felt it was necessary. I just don’t take it the day before I have ECT.
But what was/is this moodiness from? My fibroid? I’ve taken Yasmin for at least three full cycles now, and though it has stemmed my PMS symptoms, my luck’s run out: last month, I had my period twice. I suppose that much blood loss could cause a person to lose energy but mine aren’t that heavy, and that’s just it. I never know what the hell’s wrong with me. For example, is my stomachache due to gas, or are they cramps?
Am I tired because I’m so stressed, or could it be the Tegretol? We just got the pdoc’s blessing today to take all the Tegretol at night instead of one in the morning and two at night. Because of this, I’m to stop taking trazodone. Since mid-summer I’ve only been taking 100 mg. of trazodone, but for the past few weeks, I end up sleeping for nearly 12 hours no matter what time I take it! I try to take it at the same time at night — earlier and earlier these last couple of nights, but if I take it at 10:00 p.m., I still wake up at nearly 10:00 a.m.!
So . . . is this lack of energy due to stress, or because of the change in medication? I took the PCP’s advice and started working out again, so it’s been a week that I’ve been back into my workout routine. And yet, when I’m about to climb off the stationary bike, I feel really sleepy! WTF? That doesn’t make any sense at all. Is it because of the Tegretol that I take in the morning?
Today I was supposed to take Hee Seop to the vet for a weight check. We’ve done it before, it’s pretty much an in-and-out routine and the vet’s a five-minute drive away. I’ve taken him on my own in the past, but today he gave me trouble. I spent 15 minutes literally chasing him all over the apartment, which isn’t so much large, as it is really long and just couldn’t catch him. I was so frustrated that I was in tears, called the vet, and rescheduled for Saturday, when I’ll have “back-up” in the form of Brian. The lady I spoke with was very understanding and was trying to make me feel better.
I decided that I’d do pilates (it’s pilates day) with the hopes that the stretching and breathing would calm me down. I turned the TV on, and all I saw was one vertical line all the way across the screen. This started happening recently. Usually it goes away after a minute, but I waited at least ten. I called Brian, who suggested jiggling the VCR cord, and that worked, but by then I was done.
The day was over. I’m surprised I’m even writing this post. I spent the rest of the day in bed, reading and sleeping. I only got up because the upstairs neighbor happened to knock on my door and we chatted for a while. I’m just fucking sick of all this. I just want to know what’s going on with me. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I can really relate. This sounds similar to what I’ve been going through, which is why I haven’t contacted you about going for coffee. I blame mine on the stress & stuff because I don’t know what else could be causing it. The depression could just be a symptom of feeling so damn tired or vice versa.
Hugs to you. Hope you’re feeling better soon.
September 4, 2007 11:34 pm
i understand your frustrations! i’ve been so tired lately, well, actually all summer. i think the heat is a big factor. not sure what your weather has been but we went weeks and weeks with no rain and temps over 95 degrees. i’ve always felt better during the spring/fall and winter months.
sinus infection could be part of it. i have sinus problems and it always keeps me down.
i spent the last week or so mostly in bed or on the computer and then my abdominal pains came back. just got back from the doctor and found out it’s most likely Adenomyosis ( internal Endometriosis) probably going for a laparoscopy to be certain. doc told me it’s either the pill or hysterectomy. unfortunately the pill she had me on earlier brought on depression, tons of weight and constant fatigue. it’s crazy, i don’t know what to do.
but want you to know, i’m sorry and i know it’s frustrating and depressing. it’s always something isn’t it? sometimes i just wish for ONE YEAR of nothing going wrong.
thinking of you
September 4, 2007 11:41 pm
oh well damn. not knowing what your body is doing simply sucks. wish i could offer more than just words, but it’s all i’ve got. **take care**
September 5, 2007 9:02 am
Wow Hon, that seems like a lot to take in. Take care of yourself, babe.
September 5, 2007 9:43 am
The changing of the season can sometimes trigger stress to the body (there’s less light as the days get shorter). I’ve noticed that I’ve been feeling sleepier lately. Hope you feel better soon!
September 5, 2007 8:24 pm
The frustrations of a mood disorder. I know exactly what you’re talking about.
Why am I so tired all the time?
I guess it’s because I’m depressed.
No, maybe it’s not the depression but the anti-depressant.
Or the anti-anxiety med.
Maybe I’m actually depressed because I’m tired all the time.
But why am I so tired all the time?
Maybe it’s my heavy periods. I’m probably anemic.
Or maybe I have chronic fatigue syndrome? Fybromalgia? Something else?
Maybe I should go see my doctor again? See some specialists? See my psychiatrist? My therapist? Get some tests done? Bloodwork?
Or maybe I should just take vitamins, stop drinking coffee, stick to a routine and get more exercise?
Or maybe I should get online and do some research on fybromyalgia, mood disorders, anemia, and hormones?
Oh my god, that is so much to do. There is no way I can get all that done. I am way too tired.
I’ll never figure this out.
That’s so depressing.
I’m so tired.
Why am I so tired all the time?
September 6, 2007 11:49 am
Aww hun. wish I could make it all better! Hope you get answers soon.
September 6, 2007 12:05 pm
Wow! Thanks for all the support. Actually, I think we finally have it solved. I’ve been taking all my Tegretol at night, along with 50 mg. of trazodone for the past couple of days, and it seems to have helped. I took my meds around 11 last night, and I could have gotten up around 7:30 this morning, but I chose to sleep in!
Sid, yeah, I’ve been under a ton of stress, so that’s got to be a part of it. I mean, falling asleep after 45 minutes on the stationary bike? Whatever. We’ll still do coffee some time. (((hugs)))
kim, actually, I think it’s been unseasonably warm here, but we’ve had tons and tons of rain. Gray days are a nightmare for me, even when I feel fine! I just don’t want to go outside, especially if it’s raining.
I’m sorry to hear about your own pelvic problems. My pdoc thinks that if the fibroid is really affecting my quality of life, I should have it removed, but I’m going to wait. Try the Pill again — this Yasmin is fairly new, and it hasn’t caused any weight gain, and I’m pretty certain that it isn’t causing the depression. Actually, I’m just showing symptoms of depression because I can get out and do stuff, unless it’s close to ECT time when my “bars” get low.
(((hugs)))
Thanks, megan!
DB, will do.
silvergull, could be, but I think I’m an hour behind you so it still stays pretty light here, though to be honest I haven’t been paying attention!
PaK, um . . . OK.
KG, thanks.
September 6, 2007 5:23 pm
i’ve been feeling similarly and for me i think it’s the pill that i’m on… a friend of mine advised me to just run the badness off regardless of how tired i was and the couple of times i’ve done it, it’s seemed to work… so maybe try a different more rigorous exercise than the bike? i dunno…
or just drive over here - misery loves company i hear.
September 7, 2007 9:01 am
I used to use the treadmill up until my knee injury. Also, one of my goalie coaches said that the bike actually uses the muscles I need on the ice more than the treadmill. I don’t like the elliptical, which is what I started working out on when I first resolved to lose weight and get into shape last year, then switched to the treadmill for some reason.
Anyway, I’m not one of those people who sits on the stationary bike and peddles in a relaxed manner while watching the attached TV or reading the latest issue of People magazine! I closely monitor my heart rate because up until I started working out again recently, I peaked at 177 - 178. Today I think I peaked at 174, and just for you, I added an extra five minutes onto my time, so that’s 50 minutes on the bike today, in addition to 30 minutes of stretching afterwards! It’s rigorous, girlfriend!
Speaking of which, because I’m out of shape cardiowise (for me), I got spanked BIG TIME at hockey tryouts the other night. And I was just filling in, ’cuz I already know I’m going to be on the Orange team again!
Anyhow, yes, I can drive over there for lunch. Let’s set a date via Crackbook or something, but you have my e-mail addy, dontcha?
September 8, 2007 8:51 pm