Would You Fucking Believe That I Have Diaper Rash?

I thought I’d post this picture again since it was so popular in the post in which it originally appeared. I didn’t make it to the goalie clinic (see here) and went to the E.R. instead because my ass hurt so much from all the wiping, that I was actually sobbing. I mean, it was incredibly painful. There was pain last time, but not this bad.

Anyway, working on goalie skills just didn’t seem like a good idea. As it turned out, neither did going to the E.R. we chose, about which I wanted to write a review for Yahoo Local, except that it’s a 4,000 character max, and you all know how long-winded I am. So what I’m going to do is post it here and then place a link to it. If Local doesn’t accept links, then I’ll just type out the URL.

We were there from 9pm on Thursday to 5am on Friday. Bad enough that Brian still had the flu and missed the past two days of work. Now I have it, too! I was probably already getting it, which explains my stiff and achy muscles, so I uh, probably shouldn’t have played outdoor hockey on Tuesday, but anyway, the E.R. was fucking freezing because the doors were stuck open! You’ll get to read all about it in my next post, to be published later today or tomorrow. I do have the flu, after all.

And that pisses me off because I have a game (subbing for another team) tomorrow. On the one hand, this particular rink is very, very cold. On the other, the goalie artist who’ll be painting my helmet was going to meet me there to pick it up. More on that another time.

Anyway, the doctor couldn’t really do anything for me other than recommend that I see my GE (duh), so I have an appointment Tuesday afternoon. The E.R. doc, however, determined that I have diaper rash, but fortunately, there’s no infection or fungus. Yuck! I never even knew that could happen! Brian, of course, had to make a smart-ass remark about how I should be grateful that I’m not growing mushrooms out my butt. :s

The doctor recommended I use Desitin. Who would have ever thought that? I was dismayed, because unless they’ve changed the formula since my brother was born 27 years ago, I didn’t want to use it because it smells like ass. (This situation is just ripe for puns.)

As an alternative, the nurse suggested a product called A+D, so I got that and it works, nor does it have any odor. My ass still hurts some, but nowhere near as badly. Strangely, A+D doesn’t have their own Web site, so I’ve posted a picture. Oh, and the discharge information they gave me is all about treating diaper rashes in babies. Could that be because few adults get it?

The accidents have decreased, probably because I started drinking Metamucil again. I’m thinking maybe that’s why this all started up, and I think I stopped taking it because I was in the hospital. Well, the stuff tastes like ass, but if it’ll keep my ass healthy, then bring it on!