Glad It’s Over, but Boy Am I Depressed
The number of parties we attended was overwhelming, mainly because they were all on consecutive nights. They were fun, though, and I was especially glad to see our families, particularly Brian’s because they all live out-of-state so we don’t get to see them often. My only regret is that we couldn’t stay longer than 15 hours, eight of which were spent sleeping–the trazodone has been working; I just need to force myself to take it at a decent hour.
Unfortunately, all of these gatherings have left me bitter and even more depressed than I have been. I’d rather not go to something rather than show up empty-handed. And all the Christmas money we received? Pretty much all going towards bills. Even our birthday money and gift cards this past year have been spent on necessities. The only reason I was able to get Brian a belated (by two months) birthday present was because of the Holiday Savings Rewards or whatever that I accrued on my Borders Rewards account. How depressing and demoralizing is that?
We did spend money on proper protective goalie equipment for me, namely neck and pelvic protectors. The neck protector I’ve been using is really for skaters, and I began to suspect that my pelvic protector wasn’t made for goalies when I took a shot there playing with the guys. It didn’t hurt, but I noticed that it didn’t absorb the impact as much as the rest of my goalie-type padding does. I consider those as needs, rather than wants. The only reason we haven’t bought them yet is because we haven’t had the money.
As for the depression, it’s worse. I never want to leave the house, so I haven’t worked out since Brian lost his job. He almost literally has to drag me outside in order for me to get anywhere. If he didn’t drive me to practices and games, which he’s done all season, I probably wouldn’t even be playing hockey. Yesterday, it was like pulling teeth to get me to see our couples counselor, and we really needed to see her since we’ve missed our past few appointments. Earlier in the year she suggested that I get out for at least an hour a day. I started getting good at it, even driving myself to places I needed/wanted to go, like my metalsmithing class and rat hockey, but I’ve regressed so much. It’s frustrating and sad.
I will get around to reading everyone’s blogs, but things seem to be happening in slow motion for me lately. Anyone else know what I mean?
You’re stronger than you think, and it will get better–not soon enough, I know, but it will . . .
December 29, 2006 12:12 am
I do, it’s been off and on for me. I’m sorry you are feeling depressed but maybe after the new years things will feel less overwhelming.
December 29, 2006 9:16 am
I am so with you girly, I don’t feel like doing a DAMN thing lately. And January totally sucks for me, that’s my worst month, and to think I’m going to try and stop smoking!
December 29, 2006 10:09 am
I think I know what you mean. It’s like we need a good kick in the rear to get us going. I think I need a few good kicks! I’m glad you’ve got your bills paid for this month & that you got equipment you definitely need, those are important parts being protected! It seems like hockey has been your salvation. I hope you keep playing.
ps…I must’ve caught your cold, cuz I’ve been sick all week. I miss talking on the phone. (t) Let’s talk next week, k?
December 29, 2006 8:14 pm
Hey Girl! I cannot even begin to imagine what it feels like. I am crossing my fingers that 2007 will be a so much better year for you and Brian in EVERY aspect! Hugz from over here!
December 30, 2006 7:38 am
Christmas parties are teh suxxorz.
December 30, 2006 2:00 pm
I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been doing well. I hope you feel better soon. Just remember… emotions don’t last forever, although for us they seem to! Btw, my pdoc recently diagnosed me with Rapid Cycling Bipolar. Things are starting to make sense. I’ve been taking too much Ativan lately, and I’m starting to feel a bit addicted. I think I’m going to have to try something else for sleep. Take care & Have a Happy Happy Happy New Year!!!
December 31, 2006 8:06 am
Damn, wish there was something I could do for you to make you feel better. The holidays can be a wonderful time of the year but they can also be the suckiest what with all the running from one place to the next. Too freaking hectic sometimes. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that next year will be a GREAT one for you. :d {{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
December 31, 2006 5:22 pm
I hate when the gift money has to go for bills. Somehow it feels like getting screwed by Santa Claus. (n)
January 2, 2007 6:20 am