I didn’t realize how bad my depression is until I actually cried today because I didn’t get the Winter-themed sidebar on Neopets, which is just an online virtual pet site where you can play Flash games and earn Neopoints, but that isn’t the important part. The fact that I cried–and I mean, bawled–about it is.
Because my sleep schedule has been so screwy, I totally forgot to post a Friday Cat Blogging post! And I had a really good one for this week, too.
Or maybe I’m just tired of not being able to get things. With some of our Christmas money, I got BrianMadden ?07 for Xbox 360. I was supposed to get one or two Star Wars LEGO sets, but no one has any in stock! Not even the LEGO store!
I’m tired of waiting for things. Waiting to see if I’ll get disability. Waiting to see if I can get Medicaid. Waiting to see if we can file Chapter 7, after all, as opposed to Chapter 13 (I haven’t blogged about why we may not be able to–has to do with the means test). I’m fucking sick of waiting. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
My only goal for today was to take a damn shower. It’s after 7:00 p.m. and I have yet to do that. I just can’t drag myself in there, but I’m beginning to feel icky enough to do so.
The number of parties we attended was overwhelming, mainly because they were all on consecutive nights. They were fun, though, and I was especially glad to see our families, particularly Brian’s because they all live out-of-state so we don’t get to see them often. My only regret is that we couldn’t stay longer than 15 hours, eight of which were spent sleeping–the trazodone has been working; I just need to force myself to take it at a decent hour.
Unfortunately, all of these gatherings have left me bitter and even more depressed than I have been. I’d rather not go to something rather than show up empty-handed. And all the Christmas money we received? Pretty much all going towards bills. Even our birthday money and gift cards this past year have been spent on necessities. The only reason I was able to get Brian a belated (by two months) birthday present was because of the Holiday Savings Rewards or whatever that I accrued on my Borders Rewards account. How depressing and demoralizing is that?
We did spend money on proper protective goalie equipment for me, namely neck and pelvic protectors. The neck protector I’ve been using is really for skaters, and I began to suspect that my pelvic protector wasn’t made for goalies when I took a shot there playing with the guys. It didn’t hurt, but I noticed that it didn’t absorb the impact as much as the rest of my goalie-type padding does. I consider those as needs, rather than wants. The only reason we haven’t bought them yet is because we haven’t had the money.
As for the depression, it’s worse. I never want to leave the house, so I haven’t worked out since Brian lost his job. He almost literally has to drag me outside in order for me to get anywhere. If he didn’t drive me to practices and games, which he’s done all season, I probably wouldn’t even be playing hockey. Yesterday, it was like pulling teeth to get me to see our couples counselor, and we really needed to see her since we’ve missed our past few appointments. Earlier in the year she suggested that I get out for at least an hour a day. I started getting good at it, even driving myself to places I needed/wanted to go, like my metalsmithing class and rat hockey, but I’ve regressed so much. It’s frustrating and sad.
I will get around to reading everyone’s blogs, but things seem to be happening in slow motion for me lately. Anyone else know what I mean?
Been busy with holiday gatherings the past three nights, and tomorrow–well, later this morning–we’ll be driving to Iowa to visit Brian’s family. We’ll be back on Friday, though. Hmm. Maybe I shouldn’t even bother sleeping tonight.
In the meantime, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! So my present to you is a rendition of “Jingle Bells” you may never have heard before!
It’s supposed to be a hockey bag, but now it’s a Hopper bag. She seized it for herself while I was airing it out and letting my gear dry. *sigh* You can see a close-up here.
Why am I posting this so early? Because I haven’t slept yet! Argh!
(@) Angelo says: More pet pics are available for your viewing pleasure at this week?s Friday Ark. If you post your own pets? photos, leave them a trackback or comment and you?ll be listed there, too. And remember–they don’t limit pictures just to cats! :[
Save! Click to see the original, enlarged version.
I finally figured out how to make circles in PSP, but I obviously don’t know how to make it just an outline instead of filled in like that. The black thing is the puck, not the end of my stick, since I’ve retaped my blade with white instead of black tape. Makes it a lot easier to see the puck.
At least we didn’t lose as badly as the last time we played the Frozen Snappers (12 - 3), but this time #3 was playing as #32, and I believe #25 was playing as #1, though I could be wrong about the latter. Of course they kept passing the puck to #32, just like last time. I’m a little irked that their goalie’s save percentage ended up being higher than mine, but I made 35 saves! She only made 15. Actually, I’m very happy with my performance on Saturday, especially since I haven’t completely shaken this cold. One of my teammates who used to be a goalie ’til she hurt her knees, and a White team member who’s a goalie mom gave me a few tips at practice on Thursday, and they worked!
These were things I’m just not used to doing, but I did my best to incorporate them into the game and I stopped the puck. One was to hold my stick still even when the puck hit the blade instead of trying to redirect it; the other was to sit perfectly still when the puck’s underneath me somewhere, even if I don’t know exactly where. That way, the refs will blow the whistle. At one point, I even did a Hasek flop, which I never thought I was capable of doing, right on top of the puck. And yet, these women kept hacking at me! Katie “Schweigs” (Boba Fett to my Darth Goalie–that’s her in the top left corner BTW–blue pants, white helmet) had to yell at them to stop at one point. They ought to rethink their team name and consider calling themselves the Lumberjills. Too bad Brian didn’t get any shots of the times that happened, but Henry has it all on video. (~) He just needs to figure out how to upload them! :d (image from ESPN.com; read about the skate-in-the-crease controvery here–it’s the 5th one on the page of “Worst Calls in Sports History”) Speaking of bad calls, apparently the refs made a few Saturday night, like blowing the whistle when the puck was still two feet in front of the other goalie.
Also, according to my teammates, these women play rough and dirty and were just plain mean (with the exception of #18, who complimented me nearly every time I made a save). So I take back what I said about them being nice the last time we played them. The final score doesn’t reflect anything–we were the better team in sportsmanship, positioning, and passing the puck. We don’t have any puck hogs, that’s for sure! Well, we have two more games against the Lumberjills Snappers this season, and no matter what the scores may be, we’re still throwing those fish back into the pond they came from. (*)
I actually started playing this last spring, but then I had the ECT and completely forgot where I was in the game, other than the fact that my character was Nairb (get it? ;)) the Elf Assassin and that I was a Dark Elf or, Dunmer. I really wanted to finish it before starting Oblivion, but I started anyway, was scared out of my wits by one of the monsters (I was alone in the apartment at the time), and resolved to finish Morrowind before playing Oblivion.
Unfortunately, I’ve barely touched the Xbox all summer, mainly because I’ve been frustrated by my memory loss and cognitive difficulties in relearning what all the buttons and stuff on the controls are for. That part seems to have improved, as I started a new game yesterday afternoon and played until 6:00 a.m. But I have insomnia, remember.
Obviously, KotOR has been put on hold, mainly because I’ve played it so many times, at least with a female character, that it’s just kind of borrrrrrrring. I’m sure I’ll go back to it, but probably not for a long time.
This picture was actually taken around October 2004 when all we had was the camera phone. Heh. As far as digital cameras go, that’s all we have now! Anyway, Brian and I bought the cats this fancy sofa covered in nice, scratchable carpeting. What does Hopper choose to relax in? The frickin’ shoe box! Maybe it was my fault for placing it right next to the kitty couch. Actually, they’ve probably used it off and on since then, but no one has even gone near it since we’ve moved to our current apartment in June.
So you other cat parents out there: do you even bother buying stuff for your cats? (We still do–those Okey Dokey Pokey Balls are particularly popular.) And if so, do they use them?
(@) Angelo says: More pet pics are available for your viewing pleasure at this week?s Friday Ark. If you post your own pets? photos, leave them a trackback or comment and you?ll be listed there, too. And remember–they don’t limit pictures just to cats!
Saw the pdoc today. He took me off Trileptal because it’s too expensive without insurance, so now I’m back on Tegretol (carbamazepine), which is available in a generic form and thus, a lot cheaper. He told me to forget about the Lunesta and wrote a script for 50 mg. tablets of generic Benadryl, which are cheaper than bottles of 25 mg. tablets. At least I know the stuff works. Shit. Maybe I just jinxed myself.
Still physically sick, and though I have the sniffles I’m not so achy. I don’t really feel like going to practice tonight, mainly because I feel too down, but I know I’ll end up having fun. I am worried about getting sicker, though, because I want to be 100% for Saturday’s game. But I think the worst of it’s over.
I’m sorry that I still haven’t been reading blogs. I’ll get there, though. Soon, I hope because I hate it when my Bloglines is like, jam-packed!
At least we didn’t lose as badly as the 
These were things I’m just not used to doing, but I did my best to incorporate them into the game and I stopped the puck. One was to hold my stick still even when the puck hit the blade instead of trying to redirect it; the other was to sit perfectly still when the puck’s underneath me somewhere, even if I don’t know exactly where. That way, the refs will blow the whistle. At one point, I even did a 
