FOAD Thursday: Locker Room Bitches

Bad enough that we go to the ?ber yuppie health club, but Brian gets a discount through work and he chose this place because they have pick-up basketball games. And actually, since I’ve been going regularly, I feel a lot more comfortable there than I did the first time I ever went. The front desk and juice/coffee bar staff is totally friendly. I’ve never had to deal with the personal trainers, but they seem all right. Also, the facillities are absolutely superb. If you click on the link you can take one of those virtual tours. Too bad they don’t show the locker rooms because that’s part of what this post is about.

As I said, the employees are nice. The patrons, and I can only write about the women, are a different story. Most of the people in my age range (mid-30s to 40s) are snobby, pretentious, rich bitches, or if they’re still in their early to mid-20s, they’re total sorority girls. whether or not they actually were members, they have that aura. They may not be rich yet, but they’re still snobby and pretentious. Nearly everyone went to a Big Ten school, so in that respect I fit in, but most likely they went there for undergrad. Here are examples of what cold fishes the women are that go to my gym: whenever I’ve sneezed, I can count on one hand how many times someone has actually said, “Bless you.” If you happen to be in someone’s way, you might hear a reluctantly muttered, “Excuse me.”

Anyway, for a place this nice, you’d think the locker rooms would be larger and less cramped. There are three aisles of lockers. The two nearest the entrance are divided in half crosswise by a short hallway where mirrors and countertops are located on the ends. The one farthest from the entrance is one long aisle. Within each aisle are two rows of lockers–half on top, half on the bottom.

I usually use the lockers in the middle aisle, which, like the one farthest from the door, has lockers on both sides. There’s maybe 5′ of space in between and a narrow bench in the center. Courteous person that I am, I try to take up as little space as possible, especially when there are three or more people in the area. If I have toiletries I’m not currently using, I shove them, and my gym bag, back inside my locker, and though I may not lock it, I shut the fucking door so no one bangs into it. If I go to the end of the aisle to use the mirror, again, I shove the rest of my stuff back inside my locker.

But then, there are these stupid ass bitches who can FUCK OFF AND DIE because they leave their shit EVERYWHERE, even while they’re in the shower or nowhere nearby! We’re talking discarded gym clothing, shoes, water bottles–they leave them on the floor, on the bench, you name it. Some dumbfuck left her combination lock on the bench. Um, hello? Ever drop one of those on your foot? Or after they’re finished showering, they leave their wet towels on the bench along with their full-size bottles of shampoo, conditioner, facial cleanser, deoderant, etc. Apparently, these dumb cunts have never heard of a travel case or travel bottles. I, of course, have all of these items that you can buy for less than $1 so my toiletries are not only organized, but they also take up less space in my gym bag.

At first, I used to meekly tiptoe around these people’s shit. Now, if I need to set something on the bench and there’s crap all over it and the owner isn’t there, fuck it. I move that shit over to make room for myself. Fuck being meek. I have decided to take a stand!

If any of you locker room bitches are reading this, get into your Lexus SUVs and drive on over to The Container Store. Otherwise, FUCK OFF AND DIE, you dumb fucking whores.

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