Long Week

Monday i went to the Welcome Meeting at this Social Services Agency (SSvcA) to which the Program Coordinator at IOP referred me. i was incredibly terrified because i was under the impression that this particular organization serves only low-functioning people.

before we even walked in the door, i was ready to turn around and leave. people were “loitering” outside the building smoking or sleeping. indoors, people were lying around just sitting there or napping on couches. i fought my urge to run away (i have a tendency to bail when my anxiety is through the roof, which it’s been all week), and i’m glad i stayed.

yes, there were many low-functioning people there. however, there are also members (people aren’t called patients) who have graduate degrees. anyway, although i may be “high-functioning,” in many ways i can’t function as high as some of the lower-functioning folks. for example, i couldn’t get myself to the place (on Monday and when i went to the workshops on Wednesday and Friday) without Brian having to take me. not because i didn’t want to go, but because of my anxiety.

they offer all kinds of programs and many members volunteer. one of these programs is for college prep, and maybe when i’m better i can help out with that. they offer a course on research and research writing skills, which i’ve taught and would love to teach again. i know that there won’t be the same pressure as there is teaching English 102, especially at 4 or 5 different schools in Greater Chicagoland in one semester!

members get to eat lunch for free, which is prepared in a professional-style kitchen. the food is made from scratch by chefs who also happen to be members.

one of the programs will help me apply for SSI. they will even have someone come with me to Social Security to get all of the forms i need, to help me fill it out, everything.

right now i’m an honorary member, but i have my intake interview on Wednesday. i’m still leery about going there all by myself, but although Brian dropped me off on Friday, i did attend the workshops on my own. (he stayed with me on Monday and Wednesday.) i’ve already met a couple of people who are pretty cool–one woman was also an English major! everyone’s really friendly.

another thing i did this week was go to the pre-season hockey scrimmage up in Evanston (where i played last spring). the Tigers have three squads: White (advanced), Blue (intermediate), and Orange (beginner). i’ve changed my mind again and have decided to play goalie. besides, the Orange team needs a full-time goalie, and the dues are much cheaper.

my legs were literally shaking for the first 20 minutes we were on the ice. in fact, when we pulled into the parking lot, i wanted to turn around and leave, but i didn’t. i really surprised myself, because i stayed, and because i did a lot better than i thought i would. much more so than in May. i dressed as a skater and played right wing during the scrimmage; felt way more comfortable on the ice and in my skates than last spring.

the Orange team doesn’t start practice ’til September 14, and now i can’t wait!!!