by Steven Soderbergh
Brian and I started watching this Friday night, but I couldn’t remember a lot of the character backgrounds and events from Ocean’s 11 (because of the ECT), so we watched that instead as a refresher. It gets better every time.
So late last night, we put this one on, which isn’t as good. It didn’t have as many great lines, you know, lines that make you laugh out loud. It seemed harder to follow, too. I wouldn’t say it was totally horrible and it had its moments, but I was definitely disappointed.
what do you make of that? i was wondering if they were going to stop sending my blog since i haven’t been blogging. heh. well, if you haven’t already, you better have your blog transmitted to space, too. just go here.
here’s another thing: i’m getting the feeling that I will be easing back into blogging again soon. keep your eyes and ears open!
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i’ve gone from M-F to M-Th at IOP because i have once again signed up for the intro metalsmithing class i started taking in the spring but had to stop because of the hospitalizations. it’s also a way for me to start getting myself places on my own besides just to the therapist and pdoc. i must admit that i almost blew the class off today for the sake of blowing it off–i’m still in somewhat of a withdrawal mode, but i made myself go. yay, me!
i’m having a very hard time writing. every time i finish reading a book i usually write an informal review that i post here and on All Consuming. well, i finished my book a few days ago and have yet to do the writing. i’ve started it, just bullet points and notes and stuff. thing that sucks is that i can’t start reading another book because it’ll make concentrating on the writing worse, and will probably make it hard to remember what i read in the other book. it’s been a real struggle.
Hemingway’s words haunt me: “Well, what is the sense of ruining my head and erasing my memory, which is my capital, and putting me out of business? It was a brilliant cure but we lost the patient…”.
i’d just like to thank everyone for all of their well wishes–it means a lot, especially while i’m going through this really difficult time. i know i promised to write more about some of the other triggers that put me in the hospital a couple of weeks ago, but i’ve been tired a lot because i’m not sleeping well. i haven’t forgotten, though, and i will write it soon.
there’s plenty that i need to get written out just so they’re clearer to me, which they usually are when they’re put into words. i’m sorry i have to be so selfish with my time in terms of not visiting your blogs. i just need to get some of this stuff out when i can. IOP has kept me busy, but it does seem to be helping.
Brian took me to the ER last Thursday, June 22, because i wanted to cut myself. the emotional pain i felt, from the fact that the second set of ECT treatments didn’t work, was overwhelming and i began to feel hopeless about my recovery. like the times i cut in the past, i felt that inflicting physical pain upon myself would somehow decrease the emotional pain. further, physical wounds are much easier to heal from; you will heal. you don’t know for sure that you’ll completely recover from emotional wounds. i hadn’t cut in so long that i don’t know how many years it’s been. fortunately, i didn’t cut this time, either.
ironically, Brian took me to see the pdoc earlier that afternoon. i vaguely remember this, but according to Brian, i told the doctor about my frustration that the ECT didn’t work, and my stress about our upcoming move as well as my sister’s wedding, both of which would take place on Saturday the 24th (more on that to follow). we left his office with instuctions for me to get back on the Tegretol over the weekend and to see him again on Monday.
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