i have to admit, i feel different. i’m not sure exactly how i feel, but something’s different. maybe i’m manic? i’ve been driving recklessly–like an absolute maniac (haha!)–which is typical manic behavior for me. my patience is thin.
the ECT really, really, really affected my memory. yesterday, it took me a minute to remember what year it was–i thought it was 2005 at first. today i couldn’t remember how to get to a coffee shop that Brian and i frequent. i’m at a loss over a lot of things, and the worst part is that i don’t know what all i’ve forgotten until it comes up in a situation. it’s utterly aggravating.
i don’t feel mopey or depressed, but i feel miserable and unhappy. Brian suggested that maybe it means that i am better, but the reason i’m unhappy is because i don’t have a life–haven’t really had one for the last few years.
for the past several days, i’ve felt compelled to look for just a part-time retail-type job for maybe 15 hours a week. i submitted an application to a comic bookstore, and i’m in the process of filling out applications for a housewares store, a bookstore, and a hockey pro shop where i talked to the manager today. he said that i have an advantage over anyone else who would just walk in, because i’m familiar with the equipment.
speaking of hockey, i just signed up with USA Hockey because i’m rejoining the Evanston Tigers, which is the team i learned to play on back in 1996 or so. they have a spring league going for 6 more weeks, and i’ll play in my first game tomorrow night. if you’d like to come, that would be great! it’s at 8:45pm at the Robert Crown Center in Evanston. you can come laugh at me. heehee!
i haven’t played since 2001, and back then i played goalie. i’ve decided that i don’t like being goalie so i’m going back to being a winger (what i originally played). in the past 5 years i’ve gone ice skating only a handful of times, most recently at Millenium Park, and i am very out of practice. still, i’m totally looking forward to it.
so? am i better, yes or no? at least i see the pdoc tomorrow.
Ooooh… A comic bookstore? If you get that one I so want to take advantage of your employee discount…
Oh, gosh, I’d like to work @ a bookstore! My nephew works @ Barnes & Noble & they get to take books home to read. Just take life 1 day at a time, Barb. You seem like you’re just fine to me
Aww. I’m sorry you’re having a bit of a hard time.
I hope things get better once you “get a life” as you put it.
Wow! Rejoining hockey. Heee! How fun! Girls don’t hit though like boys, do they? See, ’cause I’d totally be a bruiser. I’d be out there just so I could hit people.
Take care of you and good luck in your job search!
Just passing through from BE..but noticed you are bipolar… could you be having mixed episodes? Manic and unhappy at the same time.
BTDT. Hope your pdoc helps you figure it out.
I think joining the team is a great idea. I wish I was close enough to come watch you play!
Hang in there Barb, things’ll get better.
Are you better??? Hell, yes, missy! You’re joining hockey and searching for a job. Before the treatments, you couldn’t even stand the thought of leaving the house. These are big, big steps for you. And you’re doing them without the usual mania. Sounds like the treatments may have helped even out the energy swings. You go, girl!
Yeah, just because your activity level seems so high, I’d say you are better than before. How are you in terms of feeling ‘angry’? Are those feelings gone?
I KNEW we’d get you back into hockey!
No one can long resist the siren song of the zamboni!
You’ll love it. You will. And I really think you’ll find it will help as an outlet in keeping things even.