Angelo goes through phases of dashing out the front door at the most inconvenient times: when there’s a delivery guy with our food; when we’re running late. Fortunately, our door opens to a hallway rather than the outside, and usually he runs up the stairs rather than down towards the lobby.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve given him the “Indoor Cat” lecture. After I’ve picked him up from in front of the neighbors’ doors where he’s sniffing their shoes, I stand in the hall just outside our door and explain, “This is outdoors.” Then I carry him just past the threshold and remind him, “This is indoors. You are an indoor cat.”

Yet, he’s figured out how to communicate to us that he wants out. He stands by the door and alternately cries and rubs his head against the door frame. We never give in, so I don’t know why he continues to do this.

I’m an advocate of keeping cats indoors, where they’re safest — and where people remain safe, as well, if your cat is anything like Lewis “The Terrorist of Sunset Circle” Cisero.

that’s the diagnosis–due to an unknown cause, i sleep too much. no shit, Sherlock. anyway, no CPAP for me. i don’t have narcolepsy, though the ENT has prescribed Provigil, which is used to treat people with sleep disorders in general. i took it for the first time yesterday morning, and it seems to work ok. although i feel really sleepy right now, i haven’t taken a nap, nor did i take one yesterday.

this week has been pretty good–i’ve made myself shower every single day and got out of the house every day. managed to get myself to the pdoc on Monday, to the ENT on Tuesday, and to my therapist today. yesterday i drove to Dunkin’ Donuts for a decaf and to the nearby GameStop to pick up some games. i even walked back the entire mile (round trip) to GameStop to exchange the used copy of Morrowind that the guy suggested i try, to see if i like it, for a new copy (all of $2 more, but still). obviously, i love the game and i’m thoroughly sucked in. i’ll post about that another time.

as for my current treatment, i will see the ENT again in 6 weeks to see how this Provigil business works out. i see the therapist again next week. she suggested i look into some classes at a nearby arts center and consider taking one.

unfortunately, most things still don’t hold my interest and i’m bored easily. i know the depression’s bad when i’m not even remotely interested in Starbucks!!! actually, it isn’t so bad that i’m avoiding everyone i know, but it’s like, everything’s just blah frickin’ blah–except for Morrowind! if i disappear from the blogosphere for a few days, i assure you it’s because of this game and not anything else.

thank you for all of your kind words, and i especially thank you all for continuing to read my blog. i’m sorry i haven’t been a good blog friend lately, but i’ll try to visit a few people a day.

the other day, when i said that i don’t feel hopeless…i think i was wrong. i think that i do feel hopeless about shaking this depressive episode i’ve had for thre frickin’ years now!!! i had a pdoc appointment today and i didn’t feel like going because i didn’t care. if Brian were home and could have taken me, then fine, i would have gone. otherwise, i just didn’t care.

the rational part of me cares, of course, but the irrational, depressive-thinking part was saying, “Why bother?” nothing has helped, or at least not enough to put it in remission. this or that medication will work for a while, and then it wears off. partial hospitalization programs only help so much. i like having somewhere to go every day, meeting people, and doing the activities part, but i don’t need any more psychoeducation!

i was on the computer from 9:30am ’til noon today playing Neopets and IMing with friends. Brian called so i got off the PC (i was bored with it anyway) and told him how i felt about going to the pdoc. after we hung up, there was nothing i felt like doing so i went back to bed.

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today i had tiramisu for breakfast, and you know what? it tasted pretty fucking good!

See more progress on: Lose 20 pounds

Obviously this picture didn’t turn out as well as I thought it did. Or I mean, the way it looked on the camera screen. Hmph. I will get around to reading that manual. Someday.

Anyway, that’s Basil going after the laser toy laser. It’s kind of hard to tell, but he’s totally in mid-air. Not bad for a 10-1/2 year old, eh? He’s spry, that Basil. You can see Angelo’s glowing eyes reflected in the mirror.