i?m still sleeping way more than i should: seven to nine hours a night, and then a two-hour nap every afternoon. the routine for the first half of my day is now like this:
- wake up
- feed cats
- small meal
- Internet
- shower
- small meal
- read
- nap
the sleep study is scheduled for February 9. the pdoc was happy to hear that i?m having this done, especially because the ENT suspected the sleep apnea independent of its depression-like mood symptoms. (he looked up my nose with an endoscope.) the pdoc says that if the sleep apnea explains away the physical symtoms (lack of energy, chronic fatigue, excessive sleep) but i still have the mood symptoms of depression, then we?ll again discuss ECT.
as it is, i?m on the combination of anti-depressants (Cymbalta and Wellbutrin) given to people whose depression is unresponsive to all of the other meds. and believe me, i?ve been on just about every anti-depressant except for Prozac because he doesn?t think it?s strong enough for me.
he doesn?t believe that the Wellbutrin is causing my anxiety, so i?m still on 300mg. however, once i?ve finished whatever Ritalin i have, that?s it for that.
my anxiety (or patience? or both?) is getting worse. i didn?t make it to my therapist appointment today. in fact, i was worried about it last week because the whole looking for parking thing gets me all worked up. (what if i can?t find a parking spot? what if i do, but it?s at a meter that you?re not supposed park at between 4:00 and 6:00pm, and my session goes past 4:00? omg?did i bring enough quarters?) normally this doesn?t bother me, but for the past few weeks it has. i couldn?t even face calling her myself so i asked Brian to do it. i?m not even going to make an appointment for a while, until i?m certain i can make it.
of course i could take public transportation, but since i haven?t used it in at least a year, i get all anxious about that, too.
i was planning to pick Brian up from work yesterday. he was supposed to call me at 4:30 after a meeting, but he didn?t call ?til after 5:00, which completely threw me off. when my anxiety is high like this, if the day doesn?t go as planned, then i get totally confused and become immobilized. as a result, i never made it to the post office to mail the bills and ship an order for my little online LEGO shop. i didn?t make it today, either, since i didn?t leave to go to the therapist. i just couldn?t make myself leave the apartment.
even as i?m typing this, my heart is starting to race and i’m starting to feel nauseous, so i guess i?ll stop.
See more progress on: have normal sleep hours
I’ve struggled with some depression most of my adult life, not to the extent you’re going thru, but I just wanted you to know, that I will pray for you. That you’ll receive some answers and some peace from your struggle with this illness.
(((HUGS)))
3T
PS. I came thru via Bloggin Bizatch and the BE Rent my blog program.
Here’s a site for you:
http://www.sleeplessinamerica.org
(A project of the Depressive and Bipolar Support Alliance, which is centered in Chicago.)
I sleep extra hours when I am feeling especially anxious or irritable. Then I put the sleeping mask over my eyes and stuff my ears with pinkish-orange plugs. A little xanax helps me through the day. And I practice deep breathing.
Good luck on the sleep study! Hope you find some answers!
I am totally the opposite. I walk around tired because I dont get enough sleep : ( The Doc suggested sleep apnea testing, but I just dont have time for it. I suffer from depression also, and no meds work. Its just become a way of life for me.
It happens to all of us. Things go well for a bit and then we start questioning why that is, and start figuring something’s going to go wrong sooner rather than later.
And boom, the worry monster arrives.
I slept from 8:30 last night to 9:30 this AM. At least you’re not alone!
I really sympathise with your pedicament, and I have nothing but admiration of you and others like Jane who I have met through blogging. To have just a smidgin of life while battling your condition and the medication would be pretty amazing, but no, you seem to be able to do such a lot more.
I’ve no platitude or experience that I can draw on to help, but just to let you know that I do feel your pain and anxiety and pray that it will lessen.
I have been wondering if I have sleep apnea. One reason is because I am over weight.
I also sleep a lot. I probably sleep at least 10 hours a day. I don’t usually take naps unless I am really depressed or I didn’t sleep much the night before.
I don’t blame you about not wanting to take a bus. It seems like such a hectic task to just get to one place and back.
Hi mate,
I wish I could sleep more..I’m lucky if I get 5 hrs during the week..makes it so hard to get through a day at work without screwing something up through tiredness
Hope you start to feel better soon -x-
(working on a new site, if i could get the password protected posts to work i’d be happy…struggling…..)
Barb, it takes a lot just to blog regularly like you do, but check this. Right now, you are making good progress, even though you think you may not. I can remember a month or so ago when you couldn’t keep a daily schedule of events in your home, but now you CAN… that is REAL progress, seriously, you don’t give yourself enough credit for what you do.
Everything is happening too fast, because you are rushing your progress. Keep things at a steady pace, and be satisfied with that… work on being satisfied with your progress, and you will find the happiness you seek. I’d say, give yourself at least three months or more of steady daily house routines before you move on to something else. I know I’m not a LCSW yet, but it seems to make the most sense to me right now as I’ve observed your progress based on what you write in your blog entries.
I appreciate your honesty, as it makes it easier for me to be a good friend for you. ((hugs))
An article from this blog has been featured on the first Carnival of the Bipolars which will appear at Midnight Pacific Time, 3 February 2006 at http://paxnortona.notfrisco2.com.
I just wanted to say I just found your blog from Jane, and I am loving it!!
ugh–i hate to sound all scholarly, but based on these comments, there’s a research paper to be written about bipolar sleep habits.
to be written by someone else, of course.
3T and Mark, thanks for your kind words. just knowing that there are people out there–strangers, bloggers–who care restores my faith in humanity and that makes me happy.
Joel, thanks for the link–i’ll add it to my Resources links and check it out.
April, thank you–and you’re right. absolutely right. it’s that “big picture” thing again, and yes, i have a tendency to rush myself–rush my recovery, as if i can even control it!
Queen, welcome!