This Past Week
i meant to blog more last week, but my therapist really gave me a lot to think about when i saw her on Wednesday. i’m still trying to process it and will probably blog about it in the future. i asked her what i can do to not feel insignificant when i’m with my family, which came up because we had Christmas at my mom’s a couple of weeks ago, and i haven’t written about that, either. it was the first time in a few years that we spent time with my mom at all.
anyway, here it is:
- went back to martial arts on Tuesday for the first time since September. go, me! i was really happy to be back, and my instructor even said that he was worried about me. i remembered how to tie my belt. my back didn’t bother me at all. the class was huge, though–12 people, which is a lot in the morning classes.
- didn’t go to the ?ber yuppie health club on Wednesday. i felt really sick and stuffed up. i did, however, make myself go my therapist appointment, even though i so didn’t want to because i felt like crapola.
- Thursday, didn’t go to martial arts because i was working on True Story, and trying to flex my writing muscles that seem to have atrophied. it isn’t brilliantly narrative, but i was in that writing “zone” and didn’t want to give it up. as a tradeoff, i made myself do some things i’ve been blowing off: i finally made an appointment with the ENT. i was supposed to see him about a year ago. then i had that nasty ear infection over Christmas, but i still procrastinated. now, it’s done; Tuesday’s the day.
- didn’t go to the ?ber yuppie health club on Friday, either. i’m not beating myself up over it. instead, i drove to Midway to pick up Brian. it was the first time i’d ever driven there, it was raining, i was trying really hard not to fall asleep in rush hour traffic, and i hoped i wouldn’t get hit by a plane. Brian was flying on Southwest, after all, and with my luck, not only would i get run over by a plane, it would probably be the plane he was on! i get super anxious when i’m driving someplace i’ve never been to, but fortunately, i made it just fine.
- afterwards, we had dinner at Penny’s Noodles, the second location on Diversey. i got really wild and ordered a Thai Iced Coffee–with caffeine! woohoo! that’s the extent of my partying these days.
the end.
I also get REALLY anxious when I am driving somewhere I have never been. Even if it is in my city and I have been there a few times before. My hands start to sweat and I start to drive slow because I get scared. That is why I have a cloth steering wheel cover because my hands get so sweaty.
I have thought before that I may not be bipolar. I thought I could have been mis-diagnosed. Reading your blog reminds me so much of myself. I really enjoy it too because it makes me realize things I am doing and it makes me not feel like I am the only one.
January 15, 2006 10:15 pm
me, too! even if i’ve been there a million times, even if it’s in Chicago, if i haven’t driven there myself, i get so nervous. so much so, sometimes, that i’ll go a couple of months without driving.
it’s good for me to know that i’m not alone, either.
January 15, 2006 10:24 pm
Hell, I’m always anxious
January 15, 2006 11:03 pm
I hate driving some place new. I seldom do it. In fact, I hate driving period.
January 15, 2006 11:35 pm
I live in a smaller town, and I love driving around listening to my music really loud! But before my meds, there were times I would totally freak out and have to turn around and come home. I used to never drive anywhere outside of town, but over the past few years I have slowly started to conquer that fear, and last Easter, I drove through DALLAS! Talk about panic! I almost wrecked once, but got through it ok. Of course I had S with me but It was a pretty cool accomplishment! Sounds like you are doing some ass kicking conquering of your own!!! That Martial arts class will have you whooping up on all our butts!
January 16, 2006 4:42 am
I didn’t know you were into Martial Arts. How cool is that?
January 16, 2006 11:08 am
I think driving in Chicago is probably one of the most stressful things one can do, even if one is familiar with the territory!
MMmmmmm…Thai iced coffee…
January 16, 2006 12:04 pm
Oh Barb, you are doing FABULOUSLY! I don’t even know what to say, I’m speechless.
January 16, 2006 1:26 pm
normally, i don’t mind driving, but sometimes the anxiety monster looms up behind me, you know? when possible, if i have to go someplace new by myself, Brian will do a dry run with me the day before. that usually helps.
of course i’m into martial arts! what Asian person isn’t?
January 16, 2006 4:07 pm
I’m impressed that you did so much when you were feeling so crappy.
January 17, 2006 11:20 am
[…] i felt so uncomfortable the day i went to the health club with Brian, that i longed for a comfortable environment, which i think is the reason i made that phone call. although i did go back to class last Tuesday, and it felt great, i didn’t go on Thursday. sure, i said i was in that writing “zone,” but now i wonder how much of that was an excuse. i had planned to go on Sunday but overslept. […]
January 17, 2006 2:24 pm