this particular depressive episode as i’ve mentioned, isn’t one where i’m weepy, feel despondent, suicidal, hopeless, etc., so i thought that it was affecting me only physically (lack of energy) and not emotionally. i also mentioned, however, that things i normally find interesting or fun, aren’t interesting or fun even when i do them. when i told the pdoc this today, he said that the depression is affecting me emotionally, then.
oh, ok. well, i’m still not good at identifying emotions except for the extreme ones. anyway, on the way home, i remembered there was a word that described this state: anhedonia.
the pdoc doesn’t thing ECT will help. in the two weeks before i see him again, he wants me to come up with activities that will get me outside the house, in order to help structure my day and keep me busy. “it doesn’t have to be ambitious,” he said.
i would be lying if i said i wasn’t disappointed that we weren’t going to do ECT–i want this to be over with. i want to feel interested in things again and have fun again. instead, i’ve been given an assignment i don’t completely understand. oh, and a 5mg increase in Ritalin.
i think he’s hoping that the increase in energy that the Ritalin is giving me will get me out and about and doing things more, and by actually doing things, become interested in stuff again. but it isn’t that i’m not interested in things; the things that i am interested in, don’t hold that much interest right now. if that makes any sense.
by the way, i’ve added a plugin that allows readers to be notified by e-mail when someone replies to their comments. i tried testing it out to see if it works, and i think it does, but i’d really appreciate it if you guys would let me know. 
Well, as part of our plea bargain deal, I did see my T-doc today. We spent half the time talking about him, but it was productive nontheless. I’m glad to hear you were able to go.
I desperately need to get out and do stuff too. It is so hard to get out. I just always thought I was a “home body,” but maybe it is my depression.
I wish I lived near you. I would force both of us to go out and do something fun.
i know how hard it is. you’re totally validated. and i wish you all the best, all the energy, all things good that will help you feel right side up again. i’ve wished for ECT too, so i know that disappointment. good luck.
Dan, i’m glad to hear that you went. sometimes we talk about my therapist during my sessions, too, so that’s probably normal. we can hope, right?
Marie, i’m a cancer, so by default i’m supposedly a homebody. it would be fun to be neighbors, wouldn’t it?
Megs, thanks, and all the same to you.
I don’t think that any certain chore or activity by yourself will do the trick. I say, get on meetup.com, and find some people with similar interests as you, and go with Brian and meet them in person. It may sound weird, but perhaps what you need is some interactiveness with others like yourself, so you won’t feel like you aren’t “normal”.
Personally, and professionally (eventually professionally), I do not believe in being “normal”
. You are who YOU are, and you know what? I like you just the way you are Barb, and I am CERTAIN that there are others who would just love to meet you in person. 
I am scheduled for my C-Section tomorrow and know that the postpartum crap will follow shortly. When I cannot get myself to get out of the house, I end up setting my alarm clock early and just MAKING myself get into the shower and then LEAVE THE HOUSE. I may not know where I am going or what I’m going to do, but I’m out. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I’m not bi-polar so not sure if that will even help. Instead, I am what they would call “disthymic.” If I keep busy then for the most part I am okay.
Irene, sometimes it works.
good luck with everything tomorrow!