the decision whether or not to go to martial arts today didn’t matter, because by the time i woke up class would have already started. anyway, it took me another 40 minutes to get out of bed. not only that, my lower back has been aching for the past couple of days (i really should have gone to the chiro yesterday), so it still wouldn’t have mattered even if i went. on Saturday i was in bed most of the day because it fucking hurt and no amount of Alleve was helping.

this back pain is usually tied to getting my period, but the chiro says there’s no correlation, even though as it turns out, i have a cyst on my right ovary according to those CT scans from a few weeks ago. supposedly, this is nothing to worry about. yeah, ok. then why is it that side of my back that hurts?

i’m getting plenty of sleep, but i still end up napping for about 2 hours around 3:30pm. i get really sleepy, and since i’ve gone about a week now without drinking any caffeine, i’m not using it to combat the sleepiness. the allergist confirmed that it’s because of my sinus blockage and all that, but i haven’t made another appointment to see her again. i told Brian that i’d go when he has time to see her because she won’t be able to scare him into thinking that we need to get rid of one (or all) of the cats.

speaking of the cats, because it took me so long to drag my ass out of bed yesterday, Hopper was chased and pounced on by Angelo and Hee Seop, which those 2 like to do when it’s “time” to eat. i refused to be negatively reinforced by their behavior, so i did as i always do: 1) make the bed; 2) take a shower; 3) feed the cats. when i went into the bedroom after taking a shower, i nearly sat on a steaming pile of shit Hopper left on the bed. nice.

You are Fluffy Mackerel Pudding!!? You somehow
manage to combine seafood and dessert into your
wonderfully fluffy world.? We should all be as
tolerant of New Taste Sensations.? And of
big-yolked eggs.

What Weight Watchers recipe card from 1974 are you?
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today i gave in and bought some new clothes because i seriously have nothing to wear but gym clothes. all my cute clothes no longer fit me. it’s still hard for me to believe that just over a year ago i was a size 6, sometimes 4, and now?heh. let’s put it this way: i bought two pairs of pants today but didn’t want to try them on. they were size 11, and they’re too tight. last year my therapist and i decided that if after a year my clothes still don’t fit me, then i’ll give them away. however, i’m still not ready to let go. part of me feels like totally giving up, and another part feels hopeful. i have to admit, though, that any flames of hope i had are turning into dying embers.

i still blame the damn Lamictal for causing all of the weight gain, but i know it’s up to me to lose it. it doesn’t make feel any better, though.

yesterday i had a very hard time dragging myself out of bed. the night before, i got my bag and equipment and stuff ready for martial arts. then yesterday morning, i spent about an hour lying in bed trying to talk myself into going, but failed.

this morning, again, i had a hard time getting out of bed and last night i suspected (decided?) that i wouldn’t make it to my chiropractor appointment today. well, i knew he’d ask if i had started going back to martial arts. i knew he’d ask if i’ve been drinking the protein shakes he prescribed (i finished the first gigantic container–he only one i had to drink, he said–and the only reason i got a second one is because he talked me into it because my insurance pays for part of it), and i haven’t because this time i tried a different kind and it tastes even worse than the first kind. i just didn’t want to hear any of it.

i was supposed to have lunch with my sister and ended up canceling because i knew there was no way i’d make it downtown in time.

the bright side of all this, at least, is that i did walk my ass to Starbucks even though i really, really didn’t want to go. but it was a nice day, and the cleaning lady was coming over and i didn’t want to be in her way. if she wasn’t going to be here today, i’m not sure that i would have made it out of the house, but i did.

See more progress on: Lose 20 pounds

found at Quiz-Head-O-Rama

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

once again, i’m trying to keep track of what i eat and the number of calories, etc., no matter how much reading the list disgusts and discourages me. maybe eventually, i’ll get tired of seeing all of the crap on there and start eating less and, hopefully, better.in my defense, i did walk to Starbucks today as opposed to driving there?go, me! even though i was very sleepy tired, i sucked it up and got a decaf latte. stuck around for an hour or so reading, then walked home.

See more progress on: Lose 20 pounds