New Clothes & Exercise

today i gave in and bought some new clothes because i seriously have nothing to wear but gym clothes. all my cute clothes no longer fit me. it’s still hard for me to believe that just over a year ago i was a size 6, sometimes 4, and now?heh. let’s put it this way: i bought two pairs of pants today but didn’t want to try them on. they were size 11, and they’re too tight. last year my therapist and i decided that if after a year my clothes still don’t fit me, then i’ll give them away. however, i’m still not ready to let go. part of me feels like totally giving up, and another part feels hopeful. i have to admit, though, that any flames of hope i had are turning into dying embers.

i still blame the damn Lamictal for causing all of the weight gain, but i know it’s up to me to lose it. it doesn’t make feel any better, though.

yesterday i had a very hard time dragging myself out of bed. the night before, i got my bag and equipment and stuff ready for martial arts. then yesterday morning, i spent about an hour lying in bed trying to talk myself into going, but failed.

this morning, again, i had a hard time getting out of bed and last night i suspected (decided?) that i wouldn’t make it to my chiropractor appointment today. well, i knew he’d ask if i had started going back to martial arts. i knew he’d ask if i’ve been drinking the protein shakes he prescribed (i finished the first gigantic container–he only one i had to drink, he said–and the only reason i got a second one is because he talked me into it because my insurance pays for part of it), and i haven’t because this time i tried a different kind and it tastes even worse than the first kind. i just didn’t want to hear any of it.

i was supposed to have lunch with my sister and ended up canceling because i knew there was no way i’d make it downtown in time.

the bright side of all this, at least, is that i did walk my ass to Starbucks even though i really, really didn’t want to go. but it was a nice day, and the cleaning lady was coming over and i didn’t want to be in her way. if she wasn’t going to be here today, i’m not sure that i would have made it out of the house, but i did.

See more progress on: Lose 20 pounds