Will I Ever “Graduate” From PHP? / Another Mood Stabilizer

last week was the first week i went to PHP every single day. well, Monday through Friday. Thursday i was there only for a half day but that was because i had an appointment with my therapist. i didn’t make it today but i’ve got this screaming sinus headache and feel really run down. i have yet to make an appointment to have a CT scan done of my sinuses, but i’ll do that tomorrow while i’m at the hospital. anyway, i’m not sure how much longer i have to go to PHP even though the therapists and pdoc keep telling how much better i’m doing. another week or two?

i’m now back on Tegretol, which makes me incredibly tired. it’s supposed to wear off after a while, but right now it’s really kicking my ass. i was on Tegretol for years ’til it stopped working, but since i’ve been off of it for over a year i’m hoping that it’ll be effective again. the only down side is that i have to have my blood drawn every three months or so to check the level to make sure it isn’t so high that it affects my liver. i’m used to that, and it’s certainly better than putting on weight.

as part of my quest to regain my autonomy, i’m once again filling my pill boxes for the week. Brian’s been doing it for the past i-don’t-know-how-many months. it’s a pain, but again, it’s one of those things you just have to deal with. i’ve tried taking my meds straight from the bottles, but then sometimes i forget which ones i already took and end up dumping them all out and counting out each tablet or whatever. inevitably, a few fall on the floor and one of the cats bats them under the fridge or behind a book shelf.

i’ve been too tired this past week to update let alone know what my moods have been. i don’t think i’m depressed any longer, but i still feel irritable at times. my pdoc at PHP says she thinks that my mood has been more stable since i’ve been on the Tegretol, which hasn’t been all that long. i just can’t wait for the drowsy side effects to wear off.