Too Many Feelings, Too Many Doctors

something happened in PHP yesterday that really upset me–made me angry, frustrated, felt like i’d been stepped on. mostly angry. ok, totally fucking pissed. so pissed, in fact, that all day i’ve been trying to figure out how to approach it in an entry, but i can’t. i think i’m too mad to write about it, and my concentration still isn’t where it should be in terms of being able to write anything that requires any sort of organization, let alone focus. i’ll leave it at that for now.

i didn’t go to PHP today, but it had nothing to do with what happened. rather, it has everything to do with being tired of going from one specialist to another to another.

Brian and i went straight to my ENT appointment after PHP yesterday. get this–the doctor wants me to get another CT scan of my sinuses so they can figure out why they’re still bothering me. wonderful. not only that, he prescribed a second nasal spray! having to use a nasal spray is bad enough, but now i have to use two different kinds. he also wants me to make an appointment with an allergist. actually, he wanted me to do that several years ago; i just never did. then, i go back to the ENT in a month.

tomorrow, i have my chiro appointment. next week i’m back at the pdoc’s. i’m sure i’ll be at the chiro’s again next week, as well. i have yet to see my therapist. it’s like the only places that i need to be are health related. it seems like i’m very unhealthy, but i’m not. that’s what’s so frustrating. i’m physically healthy except for the Lamictal weight, which i’m dropping. and my sinuses, i guess, but now that the headaches have gone away, they haven’t been bothering me.

it’s just too much.