Depression Sucks

this past Friday i had my second appointment with the chiropractor. my back is super tight because of chronic stress. i knew i was stressed, but i didn’t realize that it was chronic. he said something about my adrenal system, like i’m always in fight or flight mode. or more so than most people, anyway. he gave me some sort of dietary supplement that i take in the morning and at lunch. they’re supposed to give me more energy, but it doesn’t feel like it so far.

the depression seems to be getting worse. there are less and less things that i want to do; i’ve lost interest in things that i am interested in. part of me wants to get out of the apartment, but something keeps me back. nothing sounds good. that’s the only way i can describe it, i guess. i’m blowing things off like keeping track of my meals. it just seems like too much work right now. everything seems too overwhelming, even taking a shower. it’s like, all i want to do is lie down, but i don’t want to. my sleep schedule is off again as well, but it seems to be improving.

Brian took Friday off to take me to the doctor, but tomorrow i have a follow-up appointment with the ENT because of that sinusitis. i am so sick of being in doctor’s offices, but i have to go. Brian’s taking the train to work so i can have the car. hopefully it’ll make it easier for me to get there.

on Tuesday we’re driving to the ‘burbs together. i have an intake interview at the hospital down the street from his office, and i’ll start PHP that day. that way, if i don’t like it or it isn’t a good match, i won’t have to come back the next day. i hope it works out, and i certainly hope it’s a much better program than the last one i was in.

the weight seems to be staying off and i can now wear my own pants again as opposed to Brian’s. i hope that i get back to my normal weight soon. the acne, however, isn’t worse, but it isn’t exactly better, either. it looks absolutely awful and makes me want to stay inside even more.