i totally binged last night and now i feel like crapola. i’ve done a really good job of keeping track of what i eat on sleep, eat, read (blog deleted). my diet isn’t at all bad, and i don’t even eat that much–it’s just the damn peanut M&Ms.
i’m so totally addicted to them that i can’t stand it. i can’t go one day without having them. if there aren’t any in the house, i start freaking out. it wouldn’t be so bad if i could get my ass out the door to buy some myself, but i can’t even do that.
i wasn’t even hungry when i ate them. well, i was at first–the Lean Cuisine i had for dinner wasn’t enough, so sometimes i have 1 or 2 king-size Ms for dessert. i have such a sweet tooth and “need” to eat something sweet after something salty or not sweet or whatever.
next thing i know, even though i was totally full, i kept stuffing more and more down my throat. i couldn’t stop. i even dozed on and off on the couch, and every time i woke up, i’d eat more. partly, i think, to keep from falling back asleep. i was trying to read but had a hard time concentrating.
i’m not sure what the motivation was behind it. my mood or feeling or whatever. it seems like it just happened. suddenly i lost control.
i feel disgusting.
if you want to play with it, then it’s a toy.
i didn’t go to martial arts yesterday, and for a while i thought i was making up excuses. but the fact of the matter is, i was in too much pain. my sinuses were absolutely killing me. the pressure was so bad it felt like someone was trying to crush my face, their palms on my forehead and on the bridge of my nose.
it made me feel drowsy and groggy, though i didn’t get much sleep anyway. maybe because i could feel the pressure on my eyeballs, so my eyelids felt really heavy.
one of the meds the ENT prescribed is prednisolone, and that helped almost immediately, which is the least you can expect from a steroid. i can’t tell if my breathing has improved because i was basically sitting on my ass all day, so i didn’t exactly raise my heartrate.
Brian was late for work (a result of his own depression), so i told him to take the car. later, i regretted it because i was dying to go outside. i wanted to go somewhere, but i wanted to drive instead of walk. it’s often easier for me to push myself to get out if i have the car.i didn’t know where i’d go, exactly, because i didn’t feel like going to a coffee shop. oh, i suppose i wanted to stop by the comic book store. i normally make a weekly pilgrimage there to pick up whatever new comics/manga they’re holding for me. i haven’t been there in a while, so i know there’s a bunch of stuff in my box. i don’t need to go there, because i’m still trying to catch up reading my recent issues, but at least it was something to do. plus, because i’m a regular, i know most of the staff and hang out for a bit just shooting the shit, connecting with people face to face instead of online.
there were other things i wanted to do–put together my hailfire droid, which i’ve been wanting to do for some time now. i originally got into LEGOs when, during a manic phase, i had such a hard time concentrating that i couldn’t even flip through a magazine. Brian brought home a small LEGO set, and when i finished putting it together, i at least had a small sense of accomplishment. it helped that the instructions didn’t have words–just pictures, which was easier for me to focus on.
the lack of concentration is annoying and frustrating, as is the depression. i’ve been devouring Star Wars books for the past year or so–i’m determined to read every single thing in the Expanded Universe to become a self-proclaimed Republic historian. heh. anyway, i have a few books here, but i can’t concentrate on them.
oh, and i can’t forget this–i’ve had fantasies of Carth Onasi getting it on with my PC (playable character) from either KotOR or KotOR II. that’s what happens when you aren’t getting any! i guess. maybe i’m crazy for thinking this, but i don’t think i’m the only one who has a “crush” on a video game character. i mean, i know there’s plenty of guys out there who lust after female characters. of course, they’re probably all geeks, so what does that say about me?
a retired grade school teacher has taken up knitting–using dog hair that you can collect from your best friend as s/he sheds it, i suppose. now the question is, would you be willing to wear a scarf knit from your cat’s hair?
see article below.
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a 15-year-old boy found guilty of murdering his grandparents is sentenced to 30 years. the jury wasn’t convinced that the defendant’s actions were caused by taking Zoloft, an antidepressant that supposedly increases the possibility of suicide in kids.
i wonder if they’ll put him in with the general population (i imagine of juveniles, even though he was tried as an adult), or in a facility that treats mentally ill inmates. if he was suicidal before (he was hospitalized a month before committing the murders), he could certainly be suicidal again.
see article below.
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we finally replaced what was so wrongfully stolen from us months ago. in fact, we even upgraded from the old 8 or 10-gallon to a big, whopping, 32! i’d like to see you steal this one, dumbfucks!
Tuesday Is Chooseday
Would you rather:
- eat nothing but food from the ocean for the rest of your life OR nothing but food from cans for the rest of your life? i’m not a big fan of seafood, but i do eat my fair share of processed food, so i’ll take the cans, thanks.
- x-ray vision OR super hearing? x-ray vision. it might be too difficult to block out whatever extra noise you’d hear with bionic hearing.
- one wish granted today OR three wishes granted ten years from now? one wish granted today, of course, because then you could wish for more wishes.
- have a threesome with dr. ruth and brad pitt OR jennifer garner and maury povich? yikes. i guess i’d go with Dr. Ruth and Brad Pitt. at least Dr. Ruth is a sex expert so i imagine she would know what she’s doing.
this is a total, feeling sorry for myself/i’ve wasted my life post. so if you don’t want to read my whining, don’t click the link. also, the reason i’m able to write really long posts is because i type 100wpm. i’m totally not kidding. anyway…
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i got myself to the doctor, no problem. the ENT doctor, i mean. turns out my suspicions were correct–my left nasal passage is indeed congested to the point where i’m not getting enough air.
this isn’t particularly good news because now i have to take even more medication. however, it explains why i get winded so easily–much more so, even, than when i was a smoker, and i quit in 1998!
it’s also a relief to know that i’m not that out of shape. i plan to go to martial arts tomorrow, but i’m not going to push myself to the point where i might throw up.
if you’ve never been to the Museum of Science & Industry, a field trip destination for every school kid in Chicago, then you have to go. it’s not just for kids.
the cool thing about MSI is that they have hands-on exhibits. Brian can never take me anywhere because i’m a toucher. if an exhibit says, "do not touch," i’m going to touch it. i just have to know what the tactile sensation is that makes it forbidden.
my favorite permanent exhibits are the Chick Hatchery and the Anatomical Sections. the last time we were there i had to fight through kids, 5 or 6 deep, to get a good look at the chicks. i so wanted to see an egg hatch, but all i saw were eggs shaking as the chicks prepared to break free. i didn’t realize it takes more than just a few minutes for them to hatch.
the Anatomical Sections are not for the squeamish. let me put it this way: i have a fascination with the inner workings of organisms, human or whatnot. i was exposed to this at a very early age and was "supposed" to be a doctor. but aside from the anatomical aspect, the subjects in the exhibit are from the ’40s, which to me, makes it that much more intriguing. science has come such a long way since then.
the Fairy Castle is amazing in its miniature detail, and believe it or not, i have yet to go inside the Coal Mine, and ride in the U-505 sub. unfortunately, the submarine is currently being restored.
MSI used to have their free days on Thursdays, but they’ve changed their schedule for 2005. and here it is:
Museum of Science and Industry
5700 S. Lake Shore Drive
Chicago, IL 60637
773-684-1414
EDIT (10:55am): MJ has pointed out that visitors don’t actually get to ride in the submarine; you get to walk through it, though. also, it’s supposed to re-open this spring! better stand in line now, because there’s always a line for that exhibit.
