Speeding Sally Through the Alley Or, Follow-Up to Chicago Living Tip No. 29

according to the Illinois Rules of the Road, the speed limit in alleys is 15mph.  i learned the hard way that this law is actually enforced.

it was the fall of 1990, and i was at a party.  don’t know whose, not sure where.  i arrived with a group of people in my trusty Ford Fairmont, but my friend Xavier drove and i hadn’t paid attention to where we were going.

a couple of hours later, this guy Mark who i think came with us had to go home, so Xavier and i agreed to give him a ride back to Boystown.  Mark sat in the backseat among discarded fast food wrappers and pop cans, drinking beer from a plastic cup.  i think i was taking swigs from a bottle of rum stashed in my inside jacket pocket.  why else would it have been there?  i might have even been on Ecstasy.

the ride was uneventful until we were pulled over because Xavier was speeding down an alley right across from the 23rd district police station.  everything would have been fine if Xavier handed the officer his own ID instead of his cousin’s, which he used to get in to the bars.  unknown to Xavier, there was a warrant out for his cousin’s arrest.

the cops searched the car because they smelled alcohol but were puzzled that they couldn’t find it.  thank God for fast food wrappers.  one of us (not sure who) was smart enough to stuff a crumpled paper bag into Mark’s cup to soak up the beer.  i was lucky they didn’t detect my rum when they frisked me.

Xavier went to jail.  Mark went home.  i went back to the party.