Binge

i totally binged last night and now i feel like crapola. i’ve done a really good job of keeping track of what i eat on sleep, eat, read (blog deleted). my diet isn’t at all bad, and i don’t even eat that much–it’s just the damn peanut M&Ms.

i’m so totally addicted to them that i can’t stand it. i can’t go one day without having them. if there aren’t any in the house, i start freaking out. it wouldn’t be so bad if i could get my ass out the door to buy some myself, but i can’t even do that.

i wasn’t even hungry when i ate them. well, i was at first–the Lean Cuisine i had for dinner wasn’t enough, so sometimes i have 1 or 2 king-size Ms for dessert. i have such a sweet tooth and “need” to eat something sweet after something salty or not sweet or whatever.

next thing i know, even though i was totally full, i kept stuffing more and more down my throat. i couldn’t stop. i even dozed on and off on the couch, and every time i woke up, i’d eat more. partly, i think, to keep from falling back asleep. i was trying to read but had a hard time concentrating.

i’m not sure what the motivation was behind it. my mood or feeling or whatever. it seems like it just happened. suddenly i lost control.

i feel disgusting.