Therapy, the Pdoc, Martial Arts & Handholding
by the way, i never did make it to see my therapist today. Brian called her for me on Monday to cancel. i guess i felt too ashamed to call her myself. i know i need to reschedule, but i just can’t deal it with it right now.
he also rescheduled my appointment with the pdoc, but it isn’t for another three weeks. it’s for late in the afternoon so he can take me himself.
and speaking of that, Brian’s taking the morning off tomorrow so he can take me to my martial arts class. i can’t seem to do anything right now unless he holds my hand, and it makes me feel like a complete idiot.
i’m lucky and grateful that he’s perfectly willing to do this, but i’m mad at myself for not being able to do it on my own. i mean, how hard is it to walk out the fucking door? it isn’t, so why can’t i?
my dad tells me i need to go back to martial arts and just make myself go outside. he means well, but it isn’t that simple. if i could just “snap out of it,” i would. in a second.
i hate being depressed.
Bipolar/Anxiety/BPD
[...] he (or she) was also kind enough to leave a tag on the tagboard to tell me that i am, in fact, a loser because I can’t get out the door. (s/he left a URL there, and when i clicked the link, it was as i expected.) this is exactly the type of ignorance I hope will be eradicated one day. clearly, s/he didn’t read the rest of the posts because if s/he had, in this post s/he would have read that i wrote: " [. . . ] i mean, how hard is it to walk out the fucking door? it isn’t, so why can’t i? [...]
December 17, 2005 9:45 pm