not much except read a book. Brian was up for about an hour–he got Starbucks and some pastries. he’s been asleep ever since.
we talked about going to a coffee shop later, but i don’t know if that’ll actually happen.
i was going to meet my sister for lunch today (Friday), but she called to tell me that if i could help it, not to go outside because it was really cold. heh. no problem there.
i thought i might go to Starbucks to do some writing because i can just get in the car, and the one near us has parking so i wouldn’t have to walk far. i didn’t go. i’ve been wearing my pajamas all day.
at least i finally called my therapist and made a tentative appointment to see her on Wednesday. i said i’d call her on Monday to confirm whether or not i think i can actually make it. now all i have to do is call and reschedule my appointment with the pdoc before i run out of meds.
The Thursday Bookworm (1/27/05)
"No entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting." -Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
There’s no real cohesion to this week’s Worm: just some random questions that popped into my head throughout the week.
1. We’ve all heard the phrase, "Don’t judge a book by its cover." Have you ever picked up a book based solely on the title or the picture on the cover?
haha. totally. a friend and i used this method to buy wine once. i don’t recommend it–either for books or wine.
2. Along the same lines, do you ever look at whichever book someone else is reading in public or whatnot, and based on that make a snap judgment about their character or literary taste? (I realize this might not seem all that clear, so let me give an example- for instance, whenever I see someone reading War and Peace, the first word that pops into my mind is "pretentious." Most of the people I’ve known who carry that book around just do it to get attention and demonstrate how "smart" they are, when they actually never get past page 10).
absolutely. i try not to be judgmental at all, and i’m working really hard to shed my literary snobbery, especially now that all i read these days are Star Wars novels. however, i’m not apt to read mass-market paperbacks, or what i call airplane books.
3. Do you buy books online? If so, where is your favorite place to find them?
not often. i like to get my book immediately. i like to feel the cover and the book’s heft in my hands. so i’m a bibliophile–so what? heehee.
when i do order books online, i order from Amazon.
4. From someone who’s had more than her fair share of library fines… what is the largest late fee you’ve ever incurred at a library for returning a book past the due date? Have you ever borrowed a book from a library and never returned it?
i don’t want to know what my largest fine is, because i believe i’m currently incurring it. last i remember, about 2 months ago it was $13. i’m not even sure if i’ve returned the book. i can’t find it anywhere. on the other hand, i’ve never not returned a book. i’m too paranoid about having to pay an exorbitant price to replace it.
5. What is the first book that you can remember reading by yourself?
it was a book about a gingerbread man being chased by his village or something like that–an old folktale, i think.
NOTE: this entry was originally posted on Xanga, when bipolar bloggo (now part of bloggo chicago) was located there.
on the days i go to my kali class where you don’t have to wear your gi, i wear a long-sleeved shirt underneath a T-shirt. one of the instructors told me that it isn’t anything to be ashamed of, and if anyone asks about it, i don’t have to answer to them. but still, it’s embarrassing.
once, one of my classmates did see the scars and gave me a quizzical look while smirking at the same time. he knew what they were. i just smiled and shrugged, and he nodded, seeming to understand. it was interesting–the whole exchange was unspoken.
huh. now i feel like going to class, which is an hour-and-a-half. but i insisted that Brian take the car today because he was running late. he said that he really wants me to go to class, but a few hours ago, i didn’t trust myself to go.
i could take the train if i wanted to, but that seems like too much of a hassle. plus it’s freezing out, though i don’t really know that because i haven’t been outside in days.
yeah, i’m really good at talking myself out of doing stuff. sometimes though, i’m able to rally at the last minute, get off my ass, and go do something. it’s like a burst of spontaneity, but the more time i have to think about it, the less likely i’ll do it. like right now.
i never did make it to the doctor’s office yesterday. i couldn’t even get myself to call and cancel, so Brian did it for me.
he also called my therapist, who’s supposed to call me back. i know i need to see her, but i just don’t know if i could keep my appointments. i haven’t seen her in about a month, which is bad, especially because i normally see her twice a week. and to think that the last time i saw her, i was considering cutting down to once a week.
never did make it to the post office, either, to ship my customer’s order. once again, Brian is doing this for me today.
i feel really guilty because he has to carry me on his shoulders for stupid stuff that’s like, no big deal. i mean, how hard is it to pick up the phone and make a damn phone call? it just is, and i hate that.
lately i’ve been wondering if i should be in the hospital, but i don’t feel like hurting myself or anything like that. well, i don’t feel like doing anything, really. anyway, what good would being there do? although it would get me back on track as far as having a structured day. but then, you never know who you’ll be stuck with for a roommate.
last time, my roommate was really cool. ironically, she lived in the same apartment building Lesley and i lived in in ’97-’98. what a slum. but the girl was really cool.
the roommate 2 stays ago was fine because she didn’t utter a single word and kept to herself. except for once or twice when she wandered over to my side of the room and decided to help herself to something of mine–can’t remember what it was, so obviously it wasn’t a big deal. i just wasn’t expecting it.
i guess i’m doing all right then, as far as hospital stays go. those last couple of times were exactly a year ago and within 2 weeks of each other. how fucked up is that?
oh, and i was almost hospitalized a third time in February because i threw a handout at one of the therapists in the partial hospitalization program i was in at the time. well, he pissed me off. and that whole partial program experience is another story that i’ll write about because it was a complete joke.
anyway, i ended up not being sent to the psych ward because the social worker or whatever determined that i wasn’t a threat to myself, and besides, i’d already used up all my mental health hospital stays for the year. it turned out i was just hungry.
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