Idiots Galore

by 9:16am, i already encountered 2 idiots.

i get in my car to go to Starbucks, right? and i’m about to make a right turn onto the main street. the side street i live on is one-way going south. some guy pulls up next to me, so i’m thinking he’s going to make a left turn.

no. the idiot tried to cut me off! what the fuck?

but whatever. he failed, so i went on my way.

i get to the Starbucks where there are only about a dozen parking spots, less than half of which were occupied. i walk towards the door and see a trashy-ass, tricked out, yellow Corvette–running–parked in the handicapped spot. the moment i walked in, i knew immediately who it belonged to, especially because there were only 5 customers there, including me.

this jackass was wearing what looked like black moon boots, black pants, a bright orange pullover fleece, a baseball hat perched on his crown, and wire-frame sunglasses resting on the tip of his nose. oh–i almost forgot the black fingerless racing gloves, from which only the very tips of his fingers protruded.

it was all i could do to keep from laughing out loud. here’s this asshole who clearly thinks he’s cool as shit when actually, he’s a big fucking joke.

as soon as he left, i said something, like what a jackass he was. a woman who was sitting at a table joined me at the counter and said she didn’t understand why anyone would park in a handicapped space when there are plenty of open spots. “he’s an asshole,” she said matter-of-factly.

we looked out the window and saw him backing out and staring at us. um, hello? shouldn’t he be checking to see if there’s anyone behind him? we both smirked, shaking our heads.

the barista told us that he came in every morning, and every morning he did the same thing. i was like, “why don’t you call Lincoln Towing (who’s the devil, but that merits its own story)?”

“he’s late today, but when he normally comes in we’re slammed.”

and i’m like, “what time does he usually come in? i’ll sit here and wait for him and call Lincoln Towing myself.” i’ve seen them in action, and believe me, it’s a spectacle.

the woman returned to her seat, then stared in the direction that Corvette Jackass went. she had a puzzled look on her face, then said, “he just parked his car.” i was like, “huh?” so i went over to investigate.

get this–Corvette Jackass drove all of maybe…30 yards give or take, to the Starbucks. the guy literally lives across the street. and all along, i thought i was a lazyass for driving the 4 short blocks from the bloggo-partment.

if you’ve never witnessed the evil that Lincoln Towing wreaks, e-mail me. we’ll set a date and have coffee one morning. as soon as Corvette Jackass pulls in, i’ll call Lincoln Towing. shit, i’ll even program them into speed dial the night before.

heh.