the tollways suck. and get this–IDOT or whoever’s in charge, is raising the toll from $.40 to $.80 at the first of the year. the last time they changed it was 21 years ago. if you purchase an I-pass, however, you’re exempt from this highway robbery and will continue to pay $.40. but there are ways to ease the pain. here’s how:
aside from the American Automobile Association, AAA is also an acronym for Anxiety, Annoyance, Amusement. today, you’ll learn how to instill Anxiety in your passengers, Annoy other drivers, and Amuse yourself all at once. (in order to complete your task, you must pay with coins in the automatic lanes.)
if you know you’ll be taking the toll roads, make sure you have enough change to reach your destination. instead of conveniently placing them in the coin holder in your car, put them in your purse or pocket, or some other hard-to-reach place.
NOTE: do not dig out your toll money before reaching the booth. you don’t want to cause an accident, after all.
when it’s your turn to pay, in other words, when you’re within arm’s reach of the coin chute, then, and only then, should you look for change.
you’ll know you’ve succeeded in causing Anxiety if your passengers are freaking out about your lack of preparedness, and/or Annoyance if the driver directly behind you leans on the horn and, in their reflection in your rearview mirror, is mouthing words that are obviously curses.
finally, Amuse yourself by ignoring your passengers and/or telling them to shut the fuck up. next, slllooowwwllly turn your head to face the driver behind you through the rear windshield, flash your most winning smile, and give them a friendly wave. you may improvise, of course, by giving them any selection from your own repertoire of hand gestures.
throw your change down the chute, and if you don’t mind spending a dime or so for the upgraded version of AAA, miss.
see? toll roads may be a pain, but as the old saying goes, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
